Sunday, 7 October 2012

House at the End of the Street

As always spoilers and hateful comments
So this movie.. what can I say about this movie other then it's a mix of TWILIGHT and GILLMORE GIRLS and just horrible? the only saving grace this movie has is the funny ending and a pretty hot girl running around in tight jeans and tank tops, her bra was the best supporting role in the movie.
Movie starts with a girl with long hair over her face and in a long White nighty... it's like watching a Japanese horror movie.. and she knocks shit over and looks pretty creepy, also cliche thunder storm rages outside the house. Her mother gets up to see what's going on and the girl decides to kill her mother and her father..
Skip forward to a new MILF and daughter combo move into the street of rich poshy people street and the mother reveals they only managed to afford the place since the house AT THE END OF THE STREET was where the horrid murders took place..
You will have to forgive me if my details are fuzzy I really could not give a fucking crap about this movie half the time.
They get invited to a shindig by the new neighbours and they show up and all that. Gossip about the murders and how the girls body was never found but they assume she drowned in the dam but some people say she lives in the woods.. oooooh.
Also EVERY teenager that this girl comes into contact with wants to be her BFF or fuck her brains out, seriously every teenage boy seems to fancy her, she is also a great singer and plays guitar! sounds like a really shit transparent self insert like mary sue's in fanfiction.. Oh and most adult men that the mother comes in contact with also has a thing for her.
The Gilmore Girl effect.
So they find out that the son of the murder victims RYAN still lives in the house but that's not an issue, no one likes him but he keeps his distance for awhile. The girl Elissa is invited to be SUPER BFFS with people and join their band for battle of the bands! and also invited to rich neighbour kids party.
Though it wasn't meant to be a party it was some sort of study group.. so basically he tries to pork her and she rejects him causing him to chuck a massive hissy fit and storm off. She walks home down a long lonely road when a car stops and it's Ryan offering a lift, Elissa  is hesitant and decides not too but as it starts to piss down she takes his offer.
Mother goes mad that she's hanging out with the 'bad boy' he's so troubled and thoughtful and dangerous and misunderstood and handsome and loves music and is handsome, did I mention he's handsome and troubled?
So cliche I could puke pretty much.
Hot popular new girl has a thing for the troubled youth she just wants to fix. Her mother sees through this and tells her there can never be anything between them!! which just makes him forbidden fruit and she must have him!
So misunderstood~
So yeah Ryan, it turns out his sister is alive and well and living in his basement or rather trapped and she is always flipping out and trying to escape which is bad.
As his and Elissa's relationship starts going from meaning full words and looking at faces in tree's to hot and heavy he realised that having his sister alive and having a love is getting complicated.
Again I get hazy cus it all blurs into one really shit teenage love story with under lining OOOH WHATS GOING ON OOOOH which I do not dig. So anyway.. his sister manages to esacpe her brother and run away scaring a couple in the process and oops Ryan in an attempt to shut her up breaks her neck...
He's besides himself with grief and is at a cafe where he meets a really nice young lady...
Oh and as soon as he replaced the door handle on the door that kept his sister at bay I twigged..
IT'S NEVER HIS SISTER she died and he just kidnaps girls to be his sister.. cus he's the one that has always been mental. He revealed to Elissa  that she went mental after an accident on the swing but in fact his sister died that day and he was punished by his parents.
So yeah he kidnaps girls to be his sister.
Then there's some drama at a high school where Ryan breaks the jealous guys leg and shit happens.. a cop who fancies Elissa's mother goes to check on Ryan and what not.
At this point he's revealed his crazy, killed his new sister and plans on making Elissa  his new sister and has her down in the basement. Ryan kills the cop that's always protected him.. the mother twigs and comes to her child's aid.. gets stabbed..
There's alot of running about in a dark room and Elissa  manages to get the cops gun and my god she took so long to do anything right, she was so fucking thick.. LETS LEAVE THE KNIFE IN THE KILLERS HAND WHILE I FLAP AROUND LIKE A MASSIVE RETARD over and over until she shoots him at fucking last.
Cue clapping and ABOUT TIME's from everyone in the audience that evening.
Mother and daughter are fine, they are all happy ever after eve though Elissa  is all waaaaah I loved him and weepy like any typical teenage drama.. oh and in the end we find out Ryan killed his parents and they dressed him like a girl and made him replacement 'Carrie Ann' which is pretty fucking funny.
The movie had average actors in, the plot was wafer thin,t he tittle uncreative and so many arty farty camera tricks in the opening scene of the movie it felt like the people who made it had just finished a class of film and media studies from university and super keen on showing their talent to the world.
Fulll of cheap scares which pretty much all included a girl jumping at people, at things, and against windows, cars... whatever.
It was just.. blugh
Plot: 1/5
Scares: 0.5/5
Acting: 2/5
Gore: 0/5
Over all enjoyment: 0.5/5
It was very boring and transparent and I won't be looking to see anything like that again for a very long time.

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