Thursday, 21 August 2014

Silent Hill Downpour

Just finished this laggy boring sack of a shit being called a game. Silent Hill plots are always worth reading about and playing but this game? many hours or running around like a tit with basically nothing going on before a monster jumps out at you, humps your leg then you kill it in three manly swings of whatever weapon you are holding. And that was on hard.


Gather kids and let me tell you all about Silent Hill: Downbore.

So for those of you who have seen movie two you will remember the two happy teens leaving SH and a police prisoner van thing heads into Silent Hill.... That's this game where you meet angry cop women who I can't be bothered to remember right now and our main guy Murphy, who totally doesn't look anything like James from 2..

Nothing similar whatsoever. It's cool you can carry on thinking your a creative game just because you learned how to make rain look ok and have thunder and lighting every so often.

It's called downpour since apparently when it's a storm outside the monsters are more shitty, violent and more of them? I never really saw a whole lot of evidence of that and you don't spend alot of the game in the town where it rains unless you don't find the maps for the town and end up stuck in a huge circle unable to find an axe or the one pike in the whole game you need to get ladders down and progress.

Also there are so few types of badies.. one including a goth.

whose attack is either scream at you or forcibly hug you from behind to death. Easy to kill and not much in the creepy department either. SH what happened to you? where's my nurses and my creepy vagina split monsters or double headed babies? what the fuck are you bringing to the table this time?

Oh these bitches are fucking creepy though.

So our story is Murphy's police thing crashes and he runs for it while being chased by the female cop who pops up every so often when needed or when the game thinks you might forget about her. Theres a bunch of shit in the mines then you head over to SH where you spend a long time trying to find anything to do, then something happens and you go to an orphanage where most things happen...

I won't lie it's all a blur as it was a pretty unremarkable game with mostly boring/annoying puzzles. Murphy is so average it's unreal. The basic jist is Murphy is confused, walking around and it turns out his son was killed somehow by a guy, he makes a deal with a shifty sexual deviant looking guy with a 50's greaser hair cut to get the guy who killed his son so he could kill him.

Plot thickens later as all is revealed after you have to fight a giant invalid man in a wheelchair who becomes giant. Also the Boogey man? he's around but he's basically you. Original concept there SH... anyway.

Turns out the good cop who had your back in prison who knew you were a good man was getting on creepy cops nerves so after he pulls strings to help you kill your sons killer he calls in his favour which is to kill the good cop. Depending on if you spare the female cops life as the bogey man depends on if you shiv your one friend in the place or back out and the bad cop kills him. The female cop is your good cops friend who has wanted revenge on you for so long but realises that in two of the endings, it wasn't you and all is forgiven.

The plot up to that point is patchy and abit blah but it's an ok ending. 

So the gameplay is boring, puzzles even on hard are somewhat meh other then the number one at the end where the first one is on the fucking ceiling.. the fuck man. You mostly stay in normal world but if you do get sucked into evil red gross silent hill you just get chased by a big glowing ball and those parts are so dull and liner.

There are some interesting bits like needing to set up a creepy play in order to get the chalk board eraser which has drawn chalk chains that your own hand isn't good enough to rub away.

The pacing is deadly slow, the game is so laggy it makes the ressi shuffle look like forward thinking. The main char is just kinda there but you don't hate him, the ending was guessable and uninspired, bad guys other then that horrible mannequin bitch are dull.

The backgrounds and general sounds and atmosphere are nice and chilling, typical of good Silent Hill but it's very everything else that ruins it. Also having to run around like an asshole for certain correct ways to enter buildings is a pain in the ass.

I mean don't get me wrong, dark, dirty apartments where you can hear crying children as a storm rages outside is still fucking creepy. If the game had been faster paces with better baddies this game would have been so enjoyable. 

Scares: 1/5
Gore: 2/5
Plot: 1/5
Overall Enjoyment: 1/5

Also one ending is suddenly Portal..

Much love

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