Friday, 29 June 2012

The Pact

My friend said "Lets go see The Pact!" "It'll be good!" she said "It can't be that bad" she said.

Sure, ok... not DEVIL INSIDE bad but I wanted to break out my newly bought THE WALKING DEAD issue 16 to keep me from dying of boredom when nothing 'scary' was going on. I hear it was a good movie... I think I went into a different movie.

So yeah, not as bad as DEVIL INSIDE and had a better plot then allot of supernatural movies I've seen in awhile [Woman In Black aside, that shit's awesome] so yeah shall we go into the movie I was forced to see? good, good.

The Pact starts with a woman in her dead mothers house where she and her sister grew up and odd shit happens, allot of tension and atmosphere for sure, that was done well but every jump was easy to see, alas paint by numbers for horror once more.

So Nicole is in the house and creepy things happen wooooo and then she gets eaten by the closet cus I hear closet in houses full of shitty pro God and Jesus tat plastered over the place is bound to be full of evil right? sure!

Every time anyone was about to die or get eaten by the monster closet of shitty wallpaper and three coat hangers there would be some prick with a chello and a heavy bass sound so it sounded like the killer was a few pissed off members of an under paid orchestra who like to announce their presence like an awkward teenager trying to stand out.

So picture this.. woman walking down dark hall, things fall off walls... dark flickers as light dims and bulbs go.. cold chilling pacing.. then DOOOOOOMM! chelllllooooo I cracked up each time.. I mean what? the scary bits would have been more scary if they didn't have the same HEY SHITS GOING TO HAPPEN! cue all the freakin' time.
Maybe she was made to watch the movie too which would explain the look of utter distain and 'I'mma kill you in yo sleep' look.

So mother Nicole baaaws to her sister Annie who swears she will never ever go to that house EVER AGAIN but later goes in many, many times, way to keep up your resolve sweetheart. Her sister Nicole goes missing [The child is with a woman called Liz being baby sat or something] and Annie goes to the house and finds no trace of her sister and decides she's more then likely just fucked off which she seems to do allot of... hmm ok sounds like a great person to be a mother.

Annie stays in the spooky house and spooky shit goes on, more lights flicking, more things breaking.. including a jar of pickles and cheese! FUCKING CLOSET MONSTER EATING MY PICKLES!! ASSHOLE!

This movie was so fun to snark I died haha

So everyone goes to the mothers funeral including Liz who is looking after.. child with a name that's not important and every ones like WHERE NICOLE? sick of looking after her shitty kid. Then they decide to stay in creepy dead mothers house.

And DOOOOM chellllooooo and Liz gets eaten by the closet and Annie runs out like a mother fucker then forgets she left the child in the house.. kinda like David Cameron but unlike him she remembered in time and went and got the screaming brat.. I'd have left her to the closet. Oh and she gets chucked around by an unseen force and flung about, your average ghost shit.

From then on she looks after child and things happen in the house and she tells the police who are pretty much LOL CRAZY and make her take them to the house and due to it looking like a struggle and a nice knife chucked into the wall people start to think some things going on... that she might be to blame and she's not allowed to leave town.

Also they find a hidden room that has holes to every room in the house with neither the girls knew about.. what's going on?

She's soon haunted by dreams of this woman in a flowery dress who often comes to her as this headless body and pained looking head, her phone even gets locked onto an address which she GLOBAL searches [complete with I'm feeling lucky! and same colour/font] and see's it on GLOBAL maps. We see a creepy photo of headless lady and the plot thickens..

I'm so high right now

Annie then gets help from a very creepy out of it goth girl from high school to come to the house and see what the ef is up with it and to tell her what the ghost [headless woman] wants from her. The goth girls home seems to be full of black market shady Xbox 360 game trades..

For real.

One guy hands a shifty looking man a wad of cash for a pile of games and they both look all shifty eyed.. What are these black market Xbox dealings? and did he buy anything good? In the other room where goth girl is they are playing a really shitty FPS game.. like oldschool DOOM or something or maybe something made just for movie like GLOBAL.

So goth girl and her angry friend go to the house, Goth girl see's things and realizes the woman who was killed there blah blah back story some plot goth girl being chucked around a room and dragged about screaming, headless womens body just floating about as they do.

She gets taken away by Mr angry asshole and Annie never finds out much more.. Meanwhile the cop dealing with her case gets killed and that's the last of him, oh well no one noticed or cared..

She calls the goth girl days later and she tells Annie what to do and of course in yummy yummy cliche goodness..


So she contacts dead woman who tells her she was killed.. and oh yeah something about her mother having a brother who was the JUDAS killer and the last victim was the headless woman who's in the mothers house and bugging her.. that plot thing happened somewhere but half way through I felt myself not caring and was too busy being annoyed at the asshole behind me who tipped their ice cream all over the fucking floor where I was sitting..


Brother is still alive, killed that woman, killed the copper.. been hiding under the floorboards and in this room they'd not known about, their mother had kept him hidden and safe.. He also killed Liz and Nicole.. the ghost of the killed lady was really just trying to help people by getting them out the house.. suddenly turns into adult Casper or something.

Annie also gets caught but manages to defend herself with a coat hanger, cuts herself free and shoots the horrid killer dude with help of dead chick... END OF MOVIE EVERYONE IS HAPPY.

Close up of a hole made by JUDAS killer uncle person.. and an eye appears WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Shitty The Pact 2 is what it means.

My face this movie

Scares: 3/5
Plot: 2.5/5
Acting: 2.5/5
Pacing: 3/5
Gore: 1/5
Overall enjoyment: 2/5


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