CUT - BOX - DUMPLINGS [ Asian movies]

On my new quest to buy loads of Asian horror movies I got one called 'THREE EXTREMES' which has a movie from China,  Korea and Japan. 

So first off we have BOX the Japanese one by the director Takashi Miike who also did ITCHI THE KILLER and AUDITION. 

BOX

Now this movie made me feel very uncomfortable as I'm funny with anything that's slightly sexual towards younger people. Very uneasy. BOX is about two young girls, twins who work in a very empty and in the middle of no where circus with a creepy much older man who is of no relation.

One twin is wildly jealous that her sister is the one being fiddled by the dirty old bastard that she locks her in a small box they use in their acts and tries to take her place as the 'favorite' he catches the girl and there's a small struggle and a lamp is knocked over setting the twin on fire.

The movie is flash backs of the older living twins memories of what she did to her sister and the over whelming guilt. Also has some creepy guy touching up a child s doll in awkward ways... Did not enjoy, slow paced, boring, emotionless and creepy..

Scares: 0/5

Acting: 1/5

Plot: 1/5

Gore: 1/5

Overall: 0.1/1

DUMPLINGS

Next is our movie from China. Now I always knew this movie was a little Sweeney Todd.. ie the dumplings are made from human but I had no idea just what part...

The plot is there is an aging actress whose jerk husband is cheating on her with a much younger women and there's rumors this one women an aunt Mai has a secret dumpling formula that can help with age, makes you look and feel younger but the price is huge.

Being loaded she goes to aunt Mai and starts eating some dumplings, movie goes on and we have no idea whats in these bad tasting dumplings. Now our main lady decides to sneak into the kitchen where she see's just what goes into her food...

Thats right.. HUMAN FETUS.

Unborn babies mashed up. Now seeing a very realistic fetus really got me feeling sick, I have an iron stomach with allot of things but apparently childbirth and abortion are my limits.

Nothing has ever made me feel more sick then seeing a women give herself an abortion.. and then fucking eat it. NOPENOPENOPENOPE. It's shocking, gross and uggghhhh I couldn't eat all day.

It's well acted, shot, and a good gritty but believable vibe too it.

Gore: 5/5

Scares: 0/5

Plot: 3/5

Acting: 4/5

Overall: 4/5

If you want a movie that really brings something up in you... yep.

CUT

Next is a movie from Korea, this thing is shot so nicely, it's so clean and polished all the effects look lush and smooth. I was very impressed with the whole design of the movie, the set, the characters, was like something out of Hollywood.

The plot is there is a director who is funny, smart, nice, kind, rich and has a lovely home and family and someone who he was nothing but kind to decides it's unfair that this guy has it all AND is a nice guy, it's not fair. The nice guy gets knocked out and wakes up on set of his movie, tied and bound while his wife is tied down to a piano.

The main guy is pretty messed up int he head and tells the good guy that if he doesn't kill a child then every so many minutes [ I forget...] he will cut off a finger from his wife.. whose a concert pianist..

Not even content with messing this guys mind up and removing fingers from his wife.. he decides to blend them. Yummy.

A very SAW style movie but polished and with allot of it's own character. My fav movie of the three.

Scares: 0/5

Gore: 4/5

Plot: 4/5

Acting: 4/5

Overall: 4.55

X-mas!

Things have been super slow but I will be updating more in the new year.!

The Doll Master

I know Korea seems to be the new Japan to all trend hunting weebs and nerds out there. Now Japan with it's J rock, and pop, anime and fashion is so mainstream it's not cool to like it any more and now Korean music, fashion and film have become the new great hip thing as it's all about K pop and K drama and all that.. lala.

I don't think I've seen a K horror and to be honest? THE DOLL MASTER has been in my collection for years now and I have only just gotten around to watching it. I thought it was Japanese at a glance and it was like.. 50p so that was enough reason to buy it.

I didn't buy it cus I'm all hip and cool and chasing new trends... that's not me at all.

Anywho.. Doll Master

[2004]

I've done some reading into Japanese folklore and yokai legends but never ever Korean so when I started to get a handle of the plot I thought it was very Japanese. In Japan they believe that an item will take on a soul if it becomes 100 years old and other reasons and there for you either have to pay respect when removing it from this world or love it.

This plot is basically dolls can feel a powerful love and take on a soul and those dolls who are wronged come back and seek revenge on the people who did it. I have to tell everyone now I find dolls fucking creepy and I reallllly hate BJDs [Ball Jointed Dolls] which again I have always seen as part of the Japanese culture.

So the movie starts with a story. A man and women love each other and he's a doll maker, he makes a doll that looks like his wife as a gift, but the doll loves him back and takes on a life of it's own. One day he comes back and his wife has been murdered.

Four men from the town assume it was him and murder him, burying him out in the woods. The doll he made sits by his grave forever.

Que to present day where a famous doll maker invites four people to the house to have dolls made based on them. A sculptor, a photographer, a novelist who owns a creepy ass BJD and a teenage girl. The sculptor bumps into a model along the way and they are apparently coming along for the ride.

They all get to the house and are introduced by obviously up to something host who decides to allow gate crasher model stay. Everyone has things explained and they all get their rooms. Each room has a fucking hideous and creepy looking doll related object around the house and they are not just ugly but realllllly fucking ugly.

If that was me and I had to stay in a room with one of those mother fucking things I'd just sleep in the hall way or in the garden or in the crematory.. or haunted shed next door..... or in my own shit.

So everyones very happy and at peace in the strange house thats full of creepy fucking dolls and two creepy hosts.. The doll maker and her brother. Anyway so everything is ok until the quite novelist with the doll decides to fucking freak out.

She claims her doll is alive and talks to her and right now she can't hear him but can hear so many other voices, she has a massive spazz attack and needs to be held down. She falls alseep and it taken to her room. Sculper girl meets a young girl called Mina along the way who seemes to know her but she has no remerence of her..

Mina the strange young girl still on her mind she goes back to the house and is pretty much attached by the crazy bitch, someones 'killed' her doll. And apparently the correct way of killing a doll with a spirit is to smash their eyes in and behead them as souls enter the body and leave the body via the eyes. I guess it's to go with the whole legend of eyes being the gate way to a persons soul.

So odd things happen along the way, creepy dolls, moving dolls, thinking you see things in the corner of your eye, eyes moving and following you around the room. Everything is done with purpose but also subtle.. so you'll notice every little thing but not because it has been pushed into your face but due to pacing and changes in the overall mood and feeling.

So soon the first murder has happened and things get crazy one after another end up getting killed in horrid ways by disgusting doll things. Including ones which are put behind tolilets.. whoever decided that was an awesome idea.. it wasn't.

Creeeepy.

Maybe this movie wont have the same effect on someone who isn't bothered by dolls or such things but as someone who gets massive uncanny valley feels this movie has me on edge abit and waiting for next horrible thing to happen. So Mina the young girl has become stranger and stranger and we later find she's more then we realise.

I won't give any more away but the best part of this movie was the women who plays Mina. There is a very gripping and heart wrenching bit at the end and her acting is so beautful and powerful I forgot I was watching something a little dated and a little low budget as none of that made any difference. 

This movie is well paced, the gore is good and the acting is pretty bloody good. 

The thing with alot of Asian horror I have seen is they are either trying to be too 'whacky' or they tend to always look dated and low budget despite being recent or not that old. This one still has that low paid vibe but not to the extent alot I've seen.. but to be honest that is one of the best things about Asian horror..

Where it's not big flashy or polished it looks and feels more real, a gritty unplesent feeling from it. 

Anyway this movie was enjoyable, the plot was super natural but not corny and the gore was good and nothing felt too staged.

Nice surprise.

Scares: 2/5

Plot: 4/5

Pacing: 4/5

Gore: 1/5

Acting: 4/5

Overall enjoyment: 4/5

Love

XJigsawX

Jurassic Park - Novel [This ones not for kids]

When we think of Jurassic Park we think of the awesome movie we all have seen at some points in our lives and if like me.. also launched your obsession with dinos as a kid. But the novel is a very different thing and very much not for the kids. 

Forget about Sam L Jackson, the kindly old grandfather who loves kids and dinosaurs, the dashing looking Dr Grant and the soft core you are used to in the movie and prepare yourself for balding Ian Malcome, pony tail ownig Grant, money grabbing spoiled brat Hammond and compys eating new born baby face.

After reading loads of novels based on J horror such as GRUDGE, RING and BATTLE ROYAL I am no stranger to how different a book and a movie can be but I had no idea how different these two could be, was a shock and a surprise but very awesome.

Micheal Crichton's style is good, I enjoy it he writes well and is very descriptive in everything. My main moan about the book which I think most people enjoy but I am a fucking moron is all the yapping about how the dino's are made and it even goes into mega detail with pictures and spread sheets all over the place. 

I really love how through the book you get graphs of the dino's in the park and find out when they start to breed.

First thing I noticed that was very different was one of the opening scenes in book one is the opning scene to another movie. The little girl on the beach and then the compys try and steal her sandwhich? yeah that's how it starts.

I think I first realised this book was alot more gory then I had any idea about was when compys snuck into a hospital and a midwife goes to check on a baby and compys are eating it's face. And then the local boy who got attacked by a raptor and the details of that.

The book sets som amazing scenes and it's never dragging it out or boring, it paints a picture without making you just think 'action now please!' the gore is good and well written and will make you want to rewatch JP and think of all the bits thy cut and be sad.. I know I did.

Another HUGE change was the kids... it was an older boy and a younger girl and the younger girl is so mind numbingly annoying you'll be begging for both the kids from the movie back but Timmy being the older one is pretty cool now.

I don't want to go into the differnces too much as I want people reading to find out for themslves but I do suggst reading it. It's a fantastic read and really not kid friendly.

Plot: 5/5

Writhing: 5/5

Scares: 1/5

Gore: 4/5

Overall: 5/5

Last note: MOTHER FUCKING DINOSAURS

Love XJigsawX

BUY BOOK HERE

Gifts For The Morbidly Minded

Well I got something in the post today a little advert for FIREBOX since that's where I got facehugger from and they rememberd me I guess? anyway FIREBOX.COM has all these awesome things for sale.

 

Scorpion Vodka

£12.99

 

Giant Gummi Worm

£26.99

 

Zombie Shower Gel

£5.99

 

Insectilix Lolly

£4.99

 

Ask Me About My Zombie T-Shirt

£19.99

 

Ghost Hunt

£29.99

 

Creepy Creature Cups

£14.99

 

Crystal Head Vodka

£59.99

 

Toasted Scorpions

£14.99

 

Road Kill Toys

£24.99

 

Blood Bath Shower Gel

£5.99

 

Zombie Slippers

£19.99

 

Blood Energy Drink

£4.99

 

Zombie Tarot

£14.99

 

Alien Chestburster Plush

£24.99

 

Voodoo Knife Block

£79.99

 

English Garden Worm Gin

£24.99

 

Aim For the Head: An Anthology of Zombie Poetry

£10.99

 

Sugar Cube Skulls

£6.99

 

Alien Facehugger Plush

£24.99

 

Zombie Head Decanter

£19.99

 

Zombie Cookie Cutters

£9.99

 

 

 

Chocolate Skulls

£349

 

 

 

Well hope that helped you all pick some awesome gifts.

 

Much love

XJigsawX

 

Give away!

So doing this with a friend... lets see how it goes. a Rafflecopter giveaway

What I want from 2014

Dear horror maker people out there, here is my wish list for 2014 and I expect and demand that you follow it or at least give me something.

2013 was well and truly a.... disappointment for me in the horror movie world. A few things came out that I loved and a lot of things I'd rather bone, shove in a sack and let float down the river out of my mind as I drive back to my wife in the city. But next year I want better of the genre damnit.

My wish list.

More cute horror crap

FUNKO

 

I love these cute things, I got most THE WALKING DEAD ones and aim to get some others but aren't they so effing cute?

 

 

 

Werewolves

 

 

Dog Soldiers was one of my fav movies ever and I am yet to see another werewolf movie that was as good.. I know there are ones like WOLFMAN, Ginger Snaps, Blood and Chocolate along with Howling and American Werewolf in Paris... but I just want something with that original spark like this movie did for me..

 

Not enough love..

 

Japanese Horror Movies Turned English

 

I know so many Japanese movies turned by America are crap but I still want more, I still wanna be unhappy at them and embrace the badness and sit there and whine 'IT WAS LIKE THIS IN THE ORGINAL' and blog about it in a pretentious fashion.

 

 

DEAD SPACE the movie

 

Don't mind me and my MASSIVE boner for Dead Space but I'd love a movie... and I know it would be average at best but give me!

 

Horror conventions.. my kingdom for  a horror convention!

 

Those are my main wants for 2014... simple wants~

 

XJigsawX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

blah

Still alive just been busy, sorry kids.

Host with the most

Late post but I feel my duty to show off how awesome my Halloween party was.... that and I have nothing of value to post other then that... ha.

My awesome art..

 

Hope you all had a great Halloween!

 

XJigsawX