House Of The Dead, Left 4 Dead, DEAD SPACE and good ol' John

Well I would like to say I have been hella busy with cool things but really I've been sat in a dark room watching horror movies and feeling rather sorry for myself. True story. But today I will bring you a lovely selection of goodies from the last week or so.

-- House Of The Dead--
 

First off I went to a new arcade in London called 'The Heart Of Gaming' which charges to get into the venue but every game is free and you can play anything as much as you like. Has some dance machines, loads of fighting games annnnnd House Of The Dead! light guns and all.

Now a few years back you could find a House Of The Dead 3 in pretty much any arcade and very rare cases a 4 or a 2... but never have I seen an arcade that has House 1. The arcade box isn't an official or original one but it's still a chance to play an awesome arcade game in well.. an arcade setting.

Guns work really well in this arcade you can tell they care for their things where as big arcades tend to think duck taping the fuck out of the house 3 shot guns will magically keep them alive for another thousand years.

House arcade machines seem to get harder and harder to find, I used to work as machine maintenance in a local arcade for some time and the House 3 machine was my baby, every lunch break I'd grab food and stuff it into my mouth between cut scenes playing this mother but since my time at that place the House 3 and 4 has gone.

Maybe due to being a family arcade and there is no place with all the slot machines.. grabber toys and silly 3D reality simulators for such a fine beast like the best known horror arcade game...

Anyway my point IS this arcade still has a House and with working guns that you don't have to shake the ever loving crap out of to reload... I talked to the owner and he seems to have big plans on getting the other ones into his place. So he's aiming to get the other houses and as far as I know on my travels and being a massive whore for House that would be the only place to have them!

Very excited and will more then likely spend my life there playing all of them... maybe at once if I grow tentacles from all the energy drinks and misery I'm fuelled with these days ha.

If you wanna check the place out you can find them on facebook HEART OF GAMING ARCADE

--Left 4 Dead 3?--

I'm sure everyone and their dog has seen this by now but holy fucking crap man! L4D3? I mean I love L4D everyone who reads this blog should know how gay I am for it [very gay] but out of all the games that they could have done a third for [How long have all you half life fans been waiting? haha suck it] I mean I think PORTAL 2 was the newest one? bit rusty on my valve kids.

And before P2 there was l4d2.. does this imply that L4D was their most popular franchise? cus shit, have you not seen how crazy... dedicated to hats the TF2 fandom are? long as you chuck new maps and silly head clothing their way they are happy for life I spose..

But how can you build more on L4D? I mean in the second one you get new chars.. they even cross over worlds with the first lot which is awesome and I have spent so much time and money on the bloody dlc's and whatever else that comes my way.

Weapons was a fun add in number two where you could coat your screen in zombie blood and not be able o see while your mate yells at you from the place on the sofa next to you or across a headset...

All the added special infected made the game abit.... eh... like move two steps.. JOCKEY BALLS IN YOUR FACE... walk down this road COVERED IN SPITTER PUKE... well now that's over.. FUCKING HELL WITCHES CAN WALK NOW?..... oh well that's kinda ne- KARMA CHARGED INTO DEATH.

That's an average five minute scenario when playing the second game... they could have just taken some of the old ones out for the new ones? too many special infected.. I hope int he third they will make all new ones or limit them. Also the charters in two.. Black girl, Uncle Phill, Redneck asshat and my future husband Nick [aka that douchebag Steve from the remake of Dawn Of The Dead] are.. lacking compared to the ones from L4D.

I'm thinking maybe since kids love their zombies and zombies are fucking huge money makers this is why the third l4d is coming out before the third... ANYTHING from valve. I look forward to it greatly but also fully prepared for heartbreak and disappointment.

---Dead Space--

I'm a massive fag and got a DS tat

Hurt like a mother fucker and those lines up my neck? caused my left arm to go funny. The words under it are marker symbols for 'REBIRTH' they also look like UNKNOWN's from pokemon, Double cool points.

--John--

So I got bored few weeks ago and made a facebook page for John Kramer the guy who is Jigsaw in SAW. It's going... well.. I have three friends.. feel free to add and enjoy.

ADD TO FACEBOOK

 

Much love

XJigsawX

House Of The Dead 3

 

All my love for this franchise and the third one is the love of my life. If this game was a women I'd be married to it, with three kids, a house and even a shit car to fit all the kids in. The game itself people could argue sucks but for me I just fucking love it.

 

It's fun, it's zombies with green fucking blood, and I used to work full time in an arcade and baby sitting and keeping the games all clean tidy and safe from shit kids was a biiiig part of my job and this machine was my baby. The guns worked even if they were made from 90% duct tape and happy thoughts.

 

 

So yeah I used to spend a good deal of my early twenties on my lunch break playing this game and I got rather good at it. The cgi is lol-able and I enjoyed the tarot card references. Like how the guard was 'DEATH' and his weakness was his head...

 

Up until you have to choose either 'THE FOOL' [giant asshole sloth monster] and 'THE SUN' [Massive tentacle monster with the heads] I'm amazing. I can beat 'DEATH' and get all the way to either of those bosses on my own for like £2 with the help of knowing where hidden lives are.

 

That fucking sloth.... UGH sloths are slow not like great big hairy ball sacked ninja's. Damn. The plant thing is alright just hard to aim at.

 

God damn assclown.

 

 

 

Plus the main guy is a great big spinny wheel of death 'WHEEL OF FATE' and my god he is a massive asshole. On my last night of working at the arcade I fired in £10 to see how fire I could go.. this guy decided to flop his dick out and piss all over my chips.. But hey I never said I could aim for crap to start with.

 

Also fucking love playing it on XBOX even though gotta reply on controllers which aren't as fun or as easy to use.

 

Either way I am sad it's hard to find this game in arcades any more.. where I used to work no longer has it. Too little horror related arcade games no more...

 

XJigsawX

 

 

 

Worst 5 Horror Movies

DAMN I have seen some bad movies in my time I even own alot of rubbish but this post is for my top/bottom worst movies I have ever seen EVER. There will be some everyone knows.. somebody knows and some.. people just clean block out.

Here we are in no real order..

Skinned Deep

2004

I blame myself for this one, I did get it for 75p this should really have been my first clue that it was so god awfully bad that and I have never heard about it. I don't know where to even start with how bad this movie is... fuck. I guess I should start by saying for a 2004 movie it had the style and budget of a late 70's early 80's B rated movie.. no idea if that was the plan or not?

The cast looks like it was the camera mans family and they had asked them to join in on the fun. I like how it was clearly meant to be a horror and the dude in the mask, the main 'evil guy' was being pegged as a new 'horror idol' but then they change their minds and are like LOL YEAH WE WERE KIDDING!!!11 no, you made a fucking awful movie and you can't back peddle fast enough.

I can't even remember this guys fucking name but I swear all the budget was pumped into his mask cus there was no sign of a budget anywhere else! the movie has OAP hells angels.. a dude with water on the brain like one of the mutants in 'The Hills Have Eyes' and a midget.. covered in flour..who..throws.. plates..

What..

I wish to GOD they'd been trollin'

Basic plot is family stop at this rest stop.. turns out to be full of nut jobs.. family dies and girl has to marry fat head... I can't remember much I tried to block it from my mind.. worse movie I've ever seen in any genre I swear. I remember head guy running around naked which I did not need to see also an OAP fights our midget in flour.

The gore.. I... words fail me it was so bad but then again this whole movie was so bad so it's fine. The ending was from what I remember this big huuuuge hunky greased up headless body who was rippling with muscles, alot of electric charge and the girl killing it some how.

My advice is just avoid. You can get a smiler enjoyment by getting a kick in the nuts.

Last Of The Living

2008

Ok, ok I know it's a horror-comedy but it was neither funny nor scary, now I do enjoy the laid back 'do we have beer?' 'yep' 'then all is well' attitude during a zombie take over and it did have a good start but it just got really boring really fast for me, I found minus the awesome accents the cast were either dull or 'trying too hard' to be a funny stereotype.

This is one of the few movies I had to turn off half way through, was just really boring. My advice if you want horror-comedy go for something like Zombie Strippers, DOG HOUSE or SEVERANCE.

Burning Bright

2010

Still hoping this one is a joke, really. Whoever thought about the plot of being trapped in a house with your retarded younger brother with a TIGER was a good plot needs the same to happen to them, really. Basically these kids live with their step father, mother is dead and the girl had saved money to put her 'speicle' brother in a home but instead their step dad spends it all on a..

TIGER

Yes, a tiger. I'd rather have gotten drunk, shagged some hookers or bought a sports care with my midlife crises but hey, buying a Tiger is cool... right?

ANYWAY, the dad buys a tiger and decides he can make LOADS of money by having is step son die. Though I am really not sure what insurance company covers killed by wild Tiger in home but sure. And he seals the house and add's his tiger.

Cue rest of the movie the girl trying to look after her ill brother while there is a tiger around and trying to avoid said tiger, it's a riot let me tell you.

This hair cut is near enough child abuse.

Good work on finding a new and different plot idea, bad work for making this movie.

House Of The Dead 2

2005

Tits, tits.. tits... zombies? Basically nothing like the arcade game, nothing related, lets move on and pretend this movie was never made [just like the piss poor voice acting in House Of The Dead 2's game]

STUCK

2007

Movie plot:

Brandi is a hard-partying, overworked, nursing assistant desperate for a promotion at the retirement home where she works. After a night of drug-binging and partying, she accidentally hits a certain Thomas Bardo a deadbeat and recently evicted man who gets stuck in the windshield of her car. Not wanting to call for help since she is driving under the influence, Brandi, chooses not to get Thomas medical help and instead drives home and leaves him clinging to his life in the windshield of her car. While Brandi frantically tries to decide what she is going to do, Thomas, tries to free himself knowing his time is running out

Which seems like a very bad and drawn out version of the urban legend that has been going around for years which can be seen here http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/bargrill.asp

The acting is poor, the movie is pretty much a write off when you think to yourself.. if he hit that man so hard he was stuck int he window? surely he would have died on impact anyway? and after that I didn't care about the movie, it wasn't the worst I'd seen but damn. BUT the guy gets his revenge in an awesome way so the ending is worth seein if nothing else and the hobo guy makes the movie.