London Expo Horror Guests

So I am going to London Expo this weekend and hope to see some of you awesome people there. I will be in cosplay so I don't think many people will be seeing the real me but look out for JIGSAW from SAW on Sunday and please feel free to come up and chat.

So these are the horror related guests [no matter how minor]

Noel Clarke

Dog House and more

Pascale Hutton

Gingersnaps and more

Cassandra Peterson

Elvira

Sarah Carter

Final Destination 2

THIS WEEKEND AT LONDON EXPO

Highschool Of The Dead

Why yes I AM alive... it's been a busy, hectic ands stressful time for me in the real world so this is a fun review on something I've watched twice now.

(2010)

This anime has 12 episodes and come in both English and Japanese with English subs but if I was you... I'd really, really not watch the English version, they make jokes and references fit for the western world like 'who is she? Sarah fucking Paling?' but they are so out of place with a very obvious IN JAPAN based show and far too many curse words are added in.

It's like western audiences can't enjoy something unless there is pointless 'FUCKING A's added or something... but the Japanese version is very good /weeabo

So yes, story is the same as any good Zombie related show or movie. Normal day everyone is just doing normal shit and suddenly ZOMBIES and all of the city and later all of Japan is up shit creek.

So yeah, based on a main guy, the girl he fancies and a bunch of other students who don't know each other very well and the school nurse band together to escape the school and find a safe haven together and to survive.

They later meet a little girl and save her and normally I'm very very against whiny kids.. but she's not annoying and is very adorable, awww. So yes the show is everything you'd want for in a zombie related show and more! The gore is awesome, it's very gory and the characters for the most part pretty awesome/

The show is emotional too, you really end up liking the people and do care what happens regardless of them missing a third dimension. The animation is swish and not too typical of anime where it's all yap yap yap and no ones mouth moves. There are really good fight scenes.. some really WTF moments.

There is a matrix boob scene.. I don't know if the person who made it has even seen real tits... but son, they do NOT work like that and they certainly don't make 'badooong' noises when they move. Every girl in the show minus the little girl are smuggling large melons around to help them survive the days ahead.

The cast is pretty cliche..

Snobby rich smart girl

Main calm cool hero but doesn't want to be type

Hot girl love interest [who does kick ass]

Hot silent, serious girl

Ditsy blond with huge tits

Fat nerdy guy who comes in use.

But other then the cliche to the max cast they are good to watch and like I said it's a very gory and emotionally charged show. But I do find all the woman wanna jump on Mr calm guys dick like no tomorrow.. I don't know if it's due to him just being a 'swell guy' or the only other cock provider is a nerdy fat dork..

Either way..

OH and if you like tits and ass? this anime is full of it. Ass and tits EVERYWHERE it's a very fan serivce fuled anime and you could tell the person making it was having a very long dry spell and needed to see someones ass and tits regardless of who or whats. But if you don't mind that then this is a great anime, if your really not a fan of over sexed things... boy you will hate it in the first ten minutes.

The show also shows the nature of people who survive, we have a teacher who is nuts and saves a handful of students but turns them into a sex crazed cult who follow his every word. It's good to have a show that's kids trying to survive in the end of the world type deal and how they are forced to grow up and cope with it.

Plot: 3/5

Gore: 5/5

Animation: 4.5/5

Over all enjoyment: 5/5

I heart it.

X6X Jigsaw X6X

Sonata

[2004]

Sonata is a strange, strange boring ass movie. I bought it for 75p so I don't know what I expected to be honest but maybe more then a soundtrack of strange armature background music.

So out epic journey starts with a girl in some sort of old fashion dress playing piano while her mother and three very rich middle aged people watch on in glee. The girl is Mega our main character who has a very over protective mother and has the girl home schooled.

This mother daughter relationship is hella creepy, Megan isn't allowed out the house, has a tutor, is only allowed to read what her mother writes as she is a novelist and also.. washes her mothers hair in the bath..

cough..

Her mother tucks her in to bed and tells her creepy stories of a girl who dared to betray her mother and fall in love with a man and loved herself more then her mother, which is pretty creepy but the only thing that is slightly interesting about the whole movie.

The movie is so low budget and slow I found more entrainment in drawing around my note page, I do bitching bunny rabbits and a sun wearing sun glasses, fo real. Anyway at first we think even if their relationship is very.. odd they are at least very loving.

It's clear the girl is very lonely and has to do everything for her mother from bathes to making tea to doing all the house work and never ever leaving the house or being allowed to talk to anyone.

Then the movie decides to be all 'whaky' and her mother brings home a creepy marionette type performer for her to see and understandably it freaks her out and she runs to her room which really pisses her mother off. Pisses the mum off so much that she just has to shag the creepy performer.. what.

So about half an hour in and fuck all has happened other then me being very creeped out by the horrible manikin looking man who bonked her mother..

The girl is sent to give a gift basket to a friend of her mothers and she see's a man who says nothing but looks at her, from then on odd things start to happen as the girl gets wrapped up in this mans image.

Soon Megan gets love letters from a mystery man which causes her mother to flip her shit and go mental at her girl but Megan is innocent, she's never disobeyed her mother and has never talked to this man who is sending her very deep love letters.

The mother starts to be untrusting and raids the girls diary and later decides to make her feel awful about herself, asks her if she thinks about boys.. sex.. and gets her to remove her clothes in front of her. Bad horror movie turning into some kinda freaky mental abuse story... She makes he feel bad about the way she looks leaving her to cry.

This pushes Megan into further crazy and she starts to see the man she saw at her mothers friends house all the time, half of it looks so real and half of it seems like it's all in her head, this is at least done well in the movie and makes it a little interesting.

More love letters come as well as a gift in the form of a fucking nasty china doll who is as ugly as sin. Her mother hides it away not telling Megan about it.

This movie still remaining rather boring also becomes awkward as Megan thinking more about this man who she met a split second and keeps appearing has a bath which looks like it's made from milk.. and well she masturbates while her mother listens in.

What.the.fuck.

Her mum then goes out to get drunk with her agent who becomes a dirty pedo and says all the horrid uncomfortable cliche stuff to the young Mega. He's come to 'tuck her in' and 'come sit on Uncle Alan's knee..' this makes me feel very uncomfortable as it's one of the few things I do not condone.

This horrid and awkward pedo scene goes on and he takes her first kiss. But as he leaves the house he gets what is coming to him as the man of Megan's dreams kills him. Which once again makes us wounder if he's real or a head boyfriend..

So odd things go on and soon Mega sneaks out the house all dolled up with make-up and a nice dress to spend the night with her boyfriend but when she returns and changes back into her night things her mother who's always been reading her diary confronts her, beats the crap into her and locks her into a closet where she will stay until she's learned her lesson.

The last scene is like a bitter end to a fairytale, Megan makes her mother a cup of tea and pretends all is well and like she has given up on the man she loved. Plays piano for her mother as she relaxes fort the evening but the mother doesn't know that Megan put chemicals in her tea and is planning to kill her.

As the poison takes effect on her mother she falls tot he floor, dying and crawling towards Megan who knows what has happened but doesn't care she just carries on playing piano.. untll her mother shoots her a few times.

The movie ends with mother and daughter curled up dead together on the floor.

And I feel I spent the last 90 mins watching the horror movie version of THIS

Plot: 4/5 [It was a good plot and so much could have been done with it]

Scares: 0/5

Gore: 0/5

Creepyness: 2/5

Acting: 1.5/5

Overall: 0.5/5

X6X Jigsaw X6X

APOLLO 18

[2011]

Another space horror to add to the mix of a pretty strong sub genre of horror. I've also wanted to see this for ages but hadn't had a chance. My boss at work ruined the ending for me anyway but as you watch it there's no real spoiler as it becomes abit obvious half way through..

Another 'found footage' movie where we are meant to believe it's real footage and yet the actors are clearly credited at the back -shurg- that and CGI. I'm kinda done with the whole found footage branch of horror but at least this wasn't riddled with annoying shaky cams like CLOVERFIELD who I still have to thank for the bought of motion sickness.

The plot is good old 1974 USA paranoia about the Russians, they send three men up together to put up these big tracking radar systems to monitor the Russians actions towards the USA. Typical stuff like that, they also have a lark about enjoying the moons oddly new found gravity..

So yes they are on the moon having a gay old time and putting these big we don't trust Russia things on the moon while one of the men is picking up samples. Now if there is something scary about to happen this movie pretty much zooms in on it and highlights it. All it was missing was a huge neon arrow going HEY..HEY YOU, LOOK! LOOOOOK THERE'S SOMETHING SCARY! DID YOU SEE IT? HEEEEY!!!!!

Which was annoying, I suppose it stops people missing the 'action' of a rock twitching of moving but still. The movie has a nice grainy camera effect which just adds to the effect of a found footage piece. The movie is slow going very slow paced and I felt I was losing interest alot along the way but in this slow moving speed we get alot of good character development that we don't often get in horror today.

We LIKE these guys and care about what happens to them, they are just mindless victim number 1 to 3 they have a back story and they have connections with each other that the audience can relate too.

So after half the movie has been slow and 'getting to know your cast and crew' almost we get some action. Footprints not of their own are found and they follow them to where a very fucked up and unfortunate Russian craft was, this confuses are men as the Russians hadn't been to the moon by then.

Further investigation finds that the Russian that came with the ship had died and now they freak out, somethings not right here and they can't figure out. They rush back to their base and call it in and it seems no one cares.

Alot of the communication between home on earth, the man in the middle and our two unlucky fuckers on the moon often fades in and out due to the giant radar boxes they stuck on the moon, least that's what we assume.

One of our men gets attacked and there is something in his space suit, he freaks out like mad and has to be dragged onto the ship, we see he's pretty fucked up and then a slightly grim poking around a mans cut shows a rock got into his skin.

Our main man Ben's reaction to our first conclusive site of the alien being? SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! if we had more thinking like that in horror movies there would be less dead people. The guy who the rock thing decided to chill out in starts to get pretty sick and as day two on the moon starts we see it's getting worse and making him go crazy.

Crazy like the 'Crazies' kind of crazy.

They soon assume that the Russian watching boxes are more then likely not there for that but the people back home knew about the aliens and they were sent to watch them. The boxes are alien watching boxs.

The crazy guy gets worse and soon crazy eyes decides to vent his hate on the ship causing it to be well useless now. So Ben grabs his nuts buddy and off for a joy ride on the moon rover back to the Russian ship but before he can make it his mate gets pretty fucked up and he has to leave him outside assuming him dead.

He gets in the Russian ship and finds out it still works, he gets in touch with the Russians who then patch him into home base where he is told cold and flatly they knew about the aliens all along and he was contaminated, thus he was going to be left to die.

Since we like this guy, knowing his past and who he is, growing to like him we feel bad for him and hope he finds another way out. The middle man who is also friends with the two on the moon tries to patch in to the Russian craft and save his friend but back on earth they give him the same line, if he helps in anyway he'll also be left to die out in space.

Ignoring the cold hearted assfarts on earth he decides to try and save his mate, Ben, who is also suffering from moon rock alien infection but doesn't see it. Soon he's fired off into space but infected with crazy things don't go as planned.

They give us some shit at the end about lies on how they all died, but it was a nice touch.

I know peoples real issues with the movie were how the aliens were well.. rocks well come on. Animals on our planet have camouflage to hide, survive or hunt and on the moon their choices are limited to rocks, dust or an American flag? I liked they were rocks.

Story: 2/5

Gore: 2/5

Acting: 5/5

Shooting: 4/5

Scares: 1/5

Over all enjoyment: 3/5

X6XJigsawX6X

Worst 5 Horror Movies

DAMN I have seen some bad movies in my time I even own alot of rubbish but this post is for my top/bottom worst movies I have ever seen EVER. There will be some everyone knows.. somebody knows and some.. people just clean block out.

Here we are in no real order..

Skinned Deep

2004

I blame myself for this one, I did get it for 75p this should really have been my first clue that it was so god awfully bad that and I have never heard about it. I don't know where to even start with how bad this movie is... fuck. I guess I should start by saying for a 2004 movie it had the style and budget of a late 70's early 80's B rated movie.. no idea if that was the plan or not?

The cast looks like it was the camera mans family and they had asked them to join in on the fun. I like how it was clearly meant to be a horror and the dude in the mask, the main 'evil guy' was being pegged as a new 'horror idol' but then they change their minds and are like LOL YEAH WE WERE KIDDING!!!11 no, you made a fucking awful movie and you can't back peddle fast enough.

I can't even remember this guys fucking name but I swear all the budget was pumped into his mask cus there was no sign of a budget anywhere else! the movie has OAP hells angels.. a dude with water on the brain like one of the mutants in 'The Hills Have Eyes' and a midget.. covered in flour..who..throws.. plates..

What..

I wish to GOD they'd been trollin'

Basic plot is family stop at this rest stop.. turns out to be full of nut jobs.. family dies and girl has to marry fat head... I can't remember much I tried to block it from my mind.. worse movie I've ever seen in any genre I swear. I remember head guy running around naked which I did not need to see also an OAP fights our midget in flour.

The gore.. I... words fail me it was so bad but then again this whole movie was so bad so it's fine. The ending was from what I remember this big huuuuge hunky greased up headless body who was rippling with muscles, alot of electric charge and the girl killing it some how.

My advice is just avoid. You can get a smiler enjoyment by getting a kick in the nuts.

Last Of The Living

2008

Ok, ok I know it's a horror-comedy but it was neither funny nor scary, now I do enjoy the laid back 'do we have beer?' 'yep' 'then all is well' attitude during a zombie take over and it did have a good start but it just got really boring really fast for me, I found minus the awesome accents the cast were either dull or 'trying too hard' to be a funny stereotype.

This is one of the few movies I had to turn off half way through, was just really boring. My advice if you want horror-comedy go for something like Zombie Strippers, DOG HOUSE or SEVERANCE.

Burning Bright

2010

Still hoping this one is a joke, really. Whoever thought about the plot of being trapped in a house with your retarded younger brother with a TIGER was a good plot needs the same to happen to them, really. Basically these kids live with their step father, mother is dead and the girl had saved money to put her 'speicle' brother in a home but instead their step dad spends it all on a..

TIGER

Yes, a tiger. I'd rather have gotten drunk, shagged some hookers or bought a sports care with my midlife crises but hey, buying a Tiger is cool... right?

ANYWAY, the dad buys a tiger and decides he can make LOADS of money by having is step son die. Though I am really not sure what insurance company covers killed by wild Tiger in home but sure. And he seals the house and add's his tiger.

Cue rest of the movie the girl trying to look after her ill brother while there is a tiger around and trying to avoid said tiger, it's a riot let me tell you.

This hair cut is near enough child abuse.

Good work on finding a new and different plot idea, bad work for making this movie.

House Of The Dead 2

2005

Tits, tits.. tits... zombies? Basically nothing like the arcade game, nothing related, lets move on and pretend this movie was never made [just like the piss poor voice acting in House Of The Dead 2's game]

STUCK

2007

Movie plot:

Brandi is a hard-partying, overworked, nursing assistant desperate for a promotion at the retirement home where she works. After a night of drug-binging and partying, she accidentally hits a certain Thomas Bardo a deadbeat and recently evicted man who gets stuck in the windshield of her car. Not wanting to call for help since she is driving under the influence, Brandi, chooses not to get Thomas medical help and instead drives home and leaves him clinging to his life in the windshield of her car. While Brandi frantically tries to decide what she is going to do, Thomas, tries to free himself knowing his time is running out

Which seems like a very bad and drawn out version of the urban legend that has been going around for years which can be seen here http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/bargrill.asp

The acting is poor, the movie is pretty much a write off when you think to yourself.. if he hit that man so hard he was stuck int he window? surely he would have died on impact anyway? and after that I didn't care about the movie, it wasn't the worst I'd seen but damn. BUT the guy gets his revenge in an awesome way so the ending is worth seein if nothing else and the hobo guy makes the movie.