Audition

(1997 and translated to English in 2009)

By  Ryu Murakami

 

 

First things first. I have never ever struggled to read a book as much as I did this one, not cus it's some badly translated item or really gory or hard to read but it's like a massive cock tease, you know from the movie shit will happen but it takes so long to get anywhere... ugh..

 

Anyway review.

 

The book is 200 pages long and I very much recall that the action did not start until page 173 so for those 27 pages that aren't dull as fuck, they are rushed. It really felt like at the start of the book he had all the time in the world and even went into detail on NBA matches the main guy was watching on TV then at the last page it's wrapped up very fast, very sloppy and causes a 'whatthefuck' when you finish it.

 

People, this is a boring book. It teases you in places, small hints of this girls horrid sordid past but then it just carries on being boring.

 

The story is highly rich and successful single parent Aoyama wants to re-marry and him and his friend decide to do it in the form of a false audition to get loads of pretty talented 'perfect' in Aoyama's eyes woman.

 

He pretty much decides from the get go that the girl for him is Yamasaki Asami who his friend keeps telling him is a bad idea, something doesn't sit right, the facts are wonky etc etc.

 

But he's got his love goggles on and ignores his friend and carries on taking her drinking to pricey meals and oh yes we have to hear every fancy meal in detail and every fucking detail about the way Yamasaki Asami  looks and moves.. I have a funny feeling the author may have been into her going by how it's written.

 

So Yamasaki Asami  is told that the thing she auditioned for crashed and burned but she's just happy to be with him blah... she's in his eyes THE PERFECT WOMAN. They go on holiday together and have sex.. I have never read a book that mentions 'HER LUST CRAZED PUSSY' in my life, I thought I was reading 50 shades of shite.

 

The sex scene is well written but not interesting, more author boners for his own character.. She soon vanish without a trace.

 

And here comes page 173 where you see her true colours and shit goes down. Now, the gore when it gets to it, is detailed and great and made me cringe and gasp in places, was horrid. I mean if you wanna read the book just simply skip to page 173 and carry on from there or watch the just as boring movie and fast forward to the last half hour.

 

It's such a shame it's so boring as the writing itself is good and the gore when it gets there is amazing. Also like I said, the last page looks like a rush it was pretty much 'so this chick I just killed.. whats that about?' 'oh nothing'  'Oh ok, cool' the fucking hell?

 

But moral of the story is, don't date a woman you know little about and is perfect or else you'll end up missing a foot and with a dead dog.

 

Plot: 2.5/5

Gore: 5/5

Pacing: 0/5

Writing: 4/5

Characters: 1/5

Overall enjoyment: 1/5

Birthday

So I love Koji Suzuki's work and have almost read all of his works and just finished BIRTHDAY which is alot like DARK WATER in the sense it is a collection of smaller stories in one book only all the small stories in this one relate to the RING story.

            (1999)

We have three stories in BIRTHDAY which go into more detail of things that happened in the other books.

COFFIN IN THE SKY

Is about what happens to Mai Takano the student of Ruji in the first book, what happens when she vanishes and can't be found. It's a grim and sad little story about the pretty young woman's fate but a gripping story, the shortest of all three I believe but very much my favourite.

LEMON HEART

Is about Sadako's adult life when she was part of the theatre group soaring which is touched lightly upon in RING and is the story line of the movie RING 0. It goes into alot of detail about the woman who know as Sadako, how she lived in her later life and more about her. Another good story and it gives us more feelings towards her then the movies give us.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Goes into detail about the wife of the main man in LOOP and about her and the child in her belly. I think this was the longest story but also not the best one. It's not creepy in anyway it's just a nice soft story that yet again fills in the blanks not mentioned. It is also the final conclusion of the RING universe story.

I think you need to have read the other three to enjoy this book, it's very much not a stand alone book like you could say for SPRIAL or RING. It's good at tying up loose ends not mentioned in the other three novels it's also not clustered or dragging like some parts of the other novels it's more to the point and gets to heart of it better as sometimes I find with Koji's work it can be a little waffling on.

So out of the three COFFIN IN THE SKY was my most liked one and the least interesting was HAPPY BIRTHDAY but not one of them was bad. It's a good book and again well written and gripping enough to keep you reading but casual enough you don't feel it's a task.

Plot: 4/5

Scares: 0/5

Gore: 1.5/5

Over all enjoyment: 4/5

To buy BIRTHDAY go here

XJigsawX

Yokai Attack!: The Japanese Monster Survival Guide

I came across this book awhile ago due to my convention going and attending an Japanese inspired horror panel which was both fun, silly and informative. So instead of doing reviews on movies I've seen recently or Lollipop Chainsaw I decided to do one on this fun book.

It's always interesting to compare different parts of the world's cultures to one another and see how different things are. Super natural and the occult are no different, it could spout from which religion is most dominate in a country or the lifestyle and history of a county.

I mean our UK history is very different, we have so many medieval castles seeped in spooky stories, stories of being taken over by the devil, the hounds of baskervile, the legend of bodmin moore.. and then Scotland's lockness monster. Mexico has it's Chupacabra and theres so much more in every corner and crack of the globe.

So it really is cool to find out about other places folklore's and supernatural and I have to admit Japan has some awesome ones.  The way they live their lives and what they believe in is very heavily hinted in their supernatural tales such as unclean bathrooms bringing monsters.

Also the taboo subject of the repression of woman in the nation. Many movies have shown this SHUTTER, RING, JU-ON and DARK WATER along with many others. There is a reason why alot of these horror stories are based on an angry female spirit.

There are alot of female based ghouls in the Japanese folktales and this book goes into the old, the gross and the mighty fine.

So on to the book!

While informing us of the demons and nasties it has a very comical approach to things and a light hearted read about things that might otherwise be pretty creepy to the average viewer. Now YOKAI is what they call these spirits like we call things.. ghosts.

The book isn't hefty but has alot of different monsters in it and in sections. One which will focus on silly spirits such as a 'Mokumoku Ren' which is simply a paper wall with eyes on it then the more well known ones such as Onibaba and Kappa's and as I said..  a whole section on angry woman spirits such as a jealous woman who would drown those she saw in a happy relationship... woman.. pft.

The pages are set out like fact files which are interesting and gets to the basics, their Japanese name, what it means, what it basically is. I mean there is an invisible wall for a bad spirit in one section, it has some crazy things in it!

After the fact page it goes into more depth of the nasty. Each creature gets about three pages on it so it's not just a skimming read on the spirit but a pretty good story telling piece. Back stories, history and some more.

Each one has a picture, some are nicer to look at then others and some pictures look abit armature and blah but if your not a fussy art person [X-men comics have spoilt me for good art..] then you won't mind at all.

Now along with the silly ghosts and funny laid back style of the book along side some rather goofy pictures you will get a taste of Japanese culture and why some of these things come to be. Also some of these spirts sound messed up and make me feel glad to not be in Japan!

My only real moan about this book is 95% of it is in colour for me and then the last few ghosts it was like their budget for colour ran out and they just gave up on it.. or maybe that's just my copy? either way it's a very sloppy end to an other wise awesome little piece and view into another worlds supernatural realms.

It really is nice seeing how different other peoples darker worlds are. I would love to do more reading on Yokai's and see what other cultures have to offer me!

The book retails brand new for  £10 I think it was which isn't bad! and if you want another look into this book they have an official website here. YOKAI ATTACK!

Info: 4.5/5

Length: 3.5/5

Art: 2.5/5

Scares: 0/5

Overall read: 5/5

XJIGSAWX

Suicide Circle

[2002]

Also known as Suicide Club

I've been wanting to see this for ages but back when I was a teenager it was very hard to find online and my skills of search wasn't as good as it is now and late last night and today I watched it and I loved... the first half. The second half went on CRAZY JAPANESE OBSCURE HUMOUR bend.

It's a typical low budget movie from Japan which isn't bad, movies don't need to be gushing cgi and fancy ass effects as long as the story is good and the acting convincing. I mean come on! The Ring was a fantastic horror and it was just a woman in a white dress and long hair, point made Japan.

So we start our movie with lots of school girls from many different schools going to the train station and lining up, they all hold hands and the most cheerful music you could ever imagine comes on as these girls see a train coming and then jump.

And the crew armed with buckets of tomato juice just chuck it all over the place! buckets of really bad fake looking blood all over the windows, people, the station runs red with the blood of fruit!

So nice action so far minus the very laughable blood but hey tomato's gotta be cheaper then red paint or food dye right?

So after 54 girls kill themselves we are taken to the hospital where two very pretty nurses are sat chatting about going to get lunch late at night and damn are Japanese nurse outfits hot. So one goes off to get grub leaving her friend to worry why it's taking her so long...

Nurse who staid gets worried and calls the security guard and no one knows whats taking the other nurse so long so soon the guard hears nothing from either of them for awhile and heads up to the staff room where he is greeted with no sign of the other nurse just a wide open window, darkness and hand prints on the window pane.. he's abit slow if he didn't think that was abit odd..

The missing nurse comes back and starts to act really odd.. she looks brain washed and casually opens the window and without a second thought announces 'Well, see ya later' and leaps out the window to her death. Just an average day!

Also a bloody bag shows up on the scene of the crime which the police take away.

'Smells like that time of the month!'

So the cops are trying to sus out why so many girls killed themselves is is a cult? is it a crime? or supernatural? oooooh! So we have taken the bloody bag to forensics and we are told that in the bag is a reel of human skin.. that looks alot like really bad cheap value ham sewn together..

I wounder what their budget of ham and tomato's was for the effects of this movie? I think some jam may have been included.

Soon they get a call from a woman who seems to be on to something and he code name is 'The Bat' she informs them there is a website that is keeping track of all the suicides.. but before they happen! white dots mean men and red dots mean woman and of course there are alot more red dots.

So back to forensics who are still trying to piece things together and one man shows us his table of mangled school girl corpses, it looks like something in a really bad art installation..

Our main cop goes home and he has such a nice family unit, a son, daughter and a wife who all seem very happy. They all watch what Japan calls 'idol' bands which the western world calls annoying girl bands.. and god is this idol band annoying and god are they EVERYWHERE.

The idol bit is important for later so you just have to deal with buckets of fucking annoying preteens singing ear killing high pitched J-pop.

Back at a high school where there are mixed feelings on the suicide cult rumours, some aren't fans and some joke about it like it's nothing. A few guys are like LOL LETS KILL OURSELVES WON'T IT BE COOL!!!! and thanks to per pressure there is a cry of YES! LETS DO IT!

One girl rushes to the roofs edge and soon everyone wants in on the action and they all hold hands on the roof and there is a count down while on lookers watch not thinking they'd do it. Soon they all jump and those buckets of tomato juice come back in force.

See back when I was a kid pokemon was all the rage... and pogs. Clearly we were not as hard core as these students.

We soon see that three people wussed out and to not wanna look lame in front of people, go through with it also.. well the guy doesn't want to then a girl decides to take him with her. So is that classed as a suicide, murder or assisted suicide? hmm

The next scene I honestly could not help but laugh at as sick as that might sound but the suicides aren't limited to young school girls and a few boys but adults too. A woman is happily passing and a guy falls on top of her trying to kill himself! The irony was it was her boyfriend, she's more pissed about him hurting her then him trying to kill himself... I see they had an awesome relationship.

The cops by now have clocked on to the connection of the website, the sewn together ham skin and the suicides.. and realise there is a cult out there doing all this and they need to get behind it asap but will not yet class it as a murder case.

They soon get another lead that there will be another large suicide and told where to go, they see a large group of school girls and freak out! but they had nothing to worry about they only pretended to jump and things go uneventfully for our cops.

With the cult becoming such a big thing fully grown woman start to walk around with signs telling people to jump, trying to convince anyone who's bad to kill themselves and all that sort of cult-y thing.

We see a selection of people trying to kill themselves in different ways as really happy music plays in the background again.. and this is the turning point in the movie that takes us from a very good murder mystery sort of set up to a 'wtf am I watching' experience as we see a woman cutting her own hand up with no signs of pain.

Our main cop goes home and shit goes wrong for him. His girl is stood there soaked in blood and grinning like a loon but he fails to notice until he stands up and sees bloody foot prints everywhere. Damn kids and their messes -shakes fist-

It seems his happy family unit wasn't so happy and have killed themselves.. remember it's the cool thing to do these days, everyones doing it! The strange woman calls up the cop once more and gives aload of crap to him and it was clearly not to his liking as he blows his own brains out.

At the same time 'The Bat' and her sister get kidnapped by some really scruffy looking too late for punk rock scene group of guys and dragged away in bedsheets to a disused bowling ally.

Now comes the part of the movie that really throws the plot into the ditch and pisses on it. The main guy of the camp boy band suicide club starts singing to 'The Bat' and her sister while one of their group rapes and kills a woman..

I can see Japanese rocky horror picture show in this group...

So they kill 'The Bat's sister and get her to tell the cops where they are, he decides it's time they get arrested so their names will go down in history but even after they have been brought in by the cops the rash of suicides keep happening even with them behind bars.

This is where our lady who got jumped on comes back into the story, she's visiting her boyfriends place or back home can't remember and has that awful idol groups posters everywhere and she soon sees a message in the poster.. not long after she figures out the idol group are up to something she gets a phone call and given information.

She goes to the concert of the god awful idol groups concert and manages to get back stage where loads of kids are giving it the old cult mumbo jumbo but she ignores it and goes to the stage where more kids spouting even more crap are there giving her a round of applause.. by this point I am pretty lost in the movie.. I won't lie I watched the rest of it with a raised eyebrow and a 'the fuck?' look plastered on my face.

Next we see is a giant box full of woman and rats running around on the floor. Creepy kids are all watching on as a man cuts skin off of the woman to add to the sewn together skin roll and then we cut to a man who's hung himself with Christmas lights.... arg what is this.

The end of the movie is pretty much the idol group giving their last performance... the movie just kinda ends.. nothing real is given away about what happened but if you watch carefully through the movie you notice alot of things that build up to the end.

So.. the first half of the movie would get a 5/5 but thanks to the second half... well.

Gore: 1/5 [though laughable as anything]

Acting: 3/5

Story: 4/5 [first half] 1/5 [last half]

Over all enjoyment: 3/5

X6X Jigsaw X6X