(2012)
After wanting to watch this movie since I saw an advert for it on TV all my plans to see it kept falling through and I finally got to go see it with a friend this week ands boy oh boy it wasn't worth the wait. The first movie was a little.. ehh.. but at least it had creepy and some scary bits when the air raid siren sounded and the world changed into this dark and horrid place filled with strange monsters, this squeal felt like mush compared to it.
Now I've never played any of the early games only Silent Hill 4: The Room which doesn't really have much to do with the other three to my understanding and seen my partner play Silent Hill: Homecoming which is an American telling of the series so I really don't know how fans of the franchise view the movies, how much they differ from the games. Well I know the obvious like the whole little girl thing is shite.. I think....
But anyway on to the movie review.. spoilers as always but hey, used to that now right?
Movie pretty much starts with our main girl who is a teen Sharon from the first movie who is very much designed to look like Heather from Silent Hill 3 and even takes on the same fake name later on.
I think stuff like that is a pretty good touch to movies based on games/novels makes it more cannon in sometimes an otherwise off the rails retelling/live action version.
So it starts off with a dream, she is in a fucked up fairground with fire and giant evil clown faces but you still can't help but think a fairground in the dark with all the lights is still pretty, hell or not. She is being chased by cloaked men wearing gas masks and she hides behind a small stall of dying goldfish and we see another obvious hint towards the SH franchise.
Robbie The Rabbit
Who is the mascot for the games franchise. You think that's pretty clever and also a good touch but you end up seeing it EVERYWHERE in the movie so it loses its 'ooh!' factor but still neat. She is spotted and makes a dash for it to a carousal that is powered by a more hefty Pyramid head then I remember, she's on it with him and the horses turn into bondage clad naked ladies who if I remember are gagged.. more fetish then SH style.
Then she wakes from the dream and her father comforts her and tells her it was all a dream.. then he gets killed..
That's right the movie starts off with a dream inside a dream, some classy shit right there.
So as we know from the last movie she was stuck in another world with her mother Rose but this is the fun part.. SHE FOUND A KEY TO GET HER OUT BUT ONLY ONE COULD DO IT SO SHE SAVED HER CHILD om nom nom can you taste the delicious cliche? I sure can, nice and bitter.
And she was fed lies about losing her memory saying she was in a car crash and her mother died all the while her father knowing the truth and promising to keep his child safe. The most corny and blagh worthy scene where Rose talks to him for the last time using the words 'My Love' no less then three times in a five minute piece of film, feeling it's really forced into there to make you feel bad for him..
Sigh..
So 'The Order' from Silent Hill want her to return there and keep drooping massive hints in the shape of horrid dreams every night and her seeing things from time to time but she tries to ignore them. Her dad is keeping her safe from the Order and they move around alot, cue angsty attitude fuled teenage hormones, thankfully she spends very little time in school.
She does meet hot goth kid straight from a TWILIGHT audition though who is very taken with her.
Some douche bag called Vincent in a very gay vest. I could not have cared less about him the whole way through.
So now we have a teenage boy who is very into a teenage girl.. I LOVE awkward teenage lover stories and drama smack bang in the middle of my fucking horror movies. It gets old fast and the movie is consumed with boring chatting between these two, very boring.
Stuff happens she gets framed for killing a guy while having one of her 'this is Silent hill' visions and is on the run from the cops and her dad has been kidnapped. Along with gay vest man they go to Silent Hill haza! something happens to him but I can't remember/care and she bumps into the creepy girls mother.
Gets told she's part of Alyssa[I think] and she was given a chance to live whatever blahblah then the world becomes the evil dark mushy one and she is told it's safer inside and she runs inside where a very awesome and well done Silent Hill scene.
She is in a room full of mannequins and she see's one breath and turn to her which makes her jump, we then see an ass naked woman on a medical table looking hopeless and tells her to run as from toes to head she becomes plasic and turns into a mannequin, another girl is trapped in clingfilm-ish webbing and Heather free's her.
Seems they were victims of this mother fucking creepy ass thing.
The way it moved and the noises it made were very creepy and fitting in with the sort of fear Silent Hill is good for giving. Or maybe I just fucking hate mannequins they give me the creeps anyway, gah. Sadly in their escape attempt Heathers new friend is captured.
Lots of running, puffing and panting and not much else happens as she explores this shitty gritty world.
Oh before gay vest man vanished... somehow.. I think gas masks or something yadda yadda.. he reveals he is the son of the woman who runs 'The Order' and was sent to get her and trick her back to Silent Hill but he then decided he fancied her instead and wanted to help her and that the other half of the Silent Hill key was with his crazy uncle who got locked in a nut house.
Yeah, it was as shit as it sounded.
So more running around Silent Hill as we have boring in between parts with Vincent and his mother who runs the order and all that.
She comes across one of the monsters we see in one and a common SH monster, man with arms across him wodling in a very slow fashion towards her.
Do this is where I get foggy as I loose interest in and our of this movie.
She goes off to find where vest boys crazy uncle is cus he has the other half of that key thing she found that will in the end destroy Alyssa and all the nasty people trapped in Silent Hill will be saved, haza. She finds the uncle and he's blind and chained up, some boring exchanges are made and the other half of the key thing is inside him so he shoves into him and becomes a shit monster who just kidnaps her, this is short lived as she pulls it out of him and he explodes into ass.
This was so pointless and crap I have no idea why it was even here a good ten minutes or more of filler in an already boring movie.
After this shit little exchange of nothingness she leaves and all the cells have people inside grabbing at her causing her to scream and what not but then we see the person we have all been waiting for, the man of the hour, Pyramid Head! who comes along with his non small hallway friendly sword and cuts off their arms, she manages to sneak away and sees where they are taking her heart throb, that guy she's only just met.. Vincent tied to a gurney and being carted away.
We then see in the room nurses, yes they brought back the nurses which are really cool looking and creepy even if their very ample cleavage is more of a distraction then anything else. They are drawn to sound and it seems these ones have been 'tamed' or at least the men in the masks are able to keep them at bay with stick like tazers. They planned to leave Vince with them but the two guards not being very careful come to a nasty end at the busty nurses who whenever they move or go to attack make orgasim sounds.
Yep.
So Vince is now left with nurses who react to his every move but hey Heather/Sharon is here to save the day and they get out fine.
The way the nurses move is really cool and again very Silent Hill and what the movie needed alot more of, large boobs or not they had a creepy air about them and looked like your normal SH nurse monsters.
(Also the thing on the x-ray sheets on the back? yeah thats the same monster who framed Heather for killing random guy at the start and also comes again later..)
So our two teenagers end up running around and they find the creepy carousel and she basically relives her dream even down to PH doing abit of slave labor. Soon Alyssa appears and confronts Heather and soon becomes her older form but dark. Alyssa is understandably annoyed that the part of her she wanted free and happy is back in Silent Hill and more then likely means her end.
They soon embrace in the most intense hug ever and some smack words float around and Heather beats her darker self and they become one, The carousal has gone down into the ground and there is her father being held by Vinces's mother who looks like she should be an elf in Lord Of The Rings. But turns out the mother was that monster from before and in the X-rays allll alllooong and goes to promptly kick Heather's ass now she defeated her dark self.
But before she can lay a finger on Heather Pyramid head bursts in and protects her, I guess cus now she and Alyssa are whole now that the place takes orders from her. So an epic battle between the two monsters happens and it's all rather flash and gory and Sean Bean gets saved by the kids and the run away.
Now with the day saved they can all leave and be happy! haza! but Sean Bean decides he wants to stay in Silent Hill and find his wife Rose and be with her, without that much attachment for her father Heather just kind of lets him and runs off with Vincenet and they leave Silent Hill.
As they hitch a ride from a trucker a prison bus with a police guard heads towards Silent hill which is the start of the game 'SILENT HILL: DOWNPOUR' which makes me expect that to also be the plot of a third movie..
So finally that review is over and we can all get on with our lives and forget this movie ever happened.
Scares: 2.5/5
Gore: 3/5
Acting: 4/5
Plot: 2/5
Overall Enjoyment: 2.5/5
XJigsawX
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