Friday, 28 December 2012

Chernobyl Diaries

First thing I have to stress on is how much like HOSTEL it felt at times. I am sick of how Americans view Europe. I always get the feeling that they thing alot of European countries like Amsterdam, Russia and the likes are backwater and treat them as such, I had that vibe this movie and didn't enjoy it. That's my little gripe over with, if anything it just makes America look stupid.
ANYWAY the plot of the movie is a couple and their female friend and the guys brother are travailing all through Europe and then the brother [I can't remember names as they are all very boring cliche stereotypes and are just meat sacks] suggests an EXTREME TOUR to where the Chernobyl disaster hit back in 1986 .
We then meet Uri and an Aussie couple and the guy Aussie is wearing a very shit beanie hat and the whole way through the movie I want to rip it off of his fucking head. What a dick. So Uri takes them to a check point guarded by government guards who refuse them entry and so they sneak around another way.
Uri stops and shows them a lake where a mutant fish is dead, manages to freak some of the tour group out and when they go we see a load of mutant fish go for dropped meat, I really wish they had put more focus on the fish since one of them falls in the water later and only comes out with a tiny bite.. he should have been savaged and eaten not just a small bite..
Once they get there they park up and look around, from the time we meet Uri the movie perks up, the creepy place and the walking around a ghost town where things happened, it's good sadly that doesn't last very long. They go into one of the buildings and almost get taken out by a bear who was just chilling.
When they return to their van it's been vandalised, but no one lives here right? Uri keeps trying to contact people but nothing works.Soon him and Chris.. I think he's called Chris? leave the van to go and get help but Chris comes back to the van and has been savaged.
German Shepard's start to try and get in the van and everyone shits themselves... They wait till day to get out and look for help...
Now pretty much the plot is as follows.. they just go around in a group around the town and get deeper and deeper into the radioactive places and their group gets picked off by unseen mutants... It's like THE HILLS HAVE EYES but you never see the mutants really.. it has no character no underlying humour.. no nothing.. it's a bunch of tits running around from unseen things and vanishing one by one until there is just two at the end.
They end up in the reactor and their skin is melting and losing their vision etc etc and then they get caught by the guards who are in hazmat suits. He gets shot and she passes out just to be taken to a 'dcotor' which is really a room full of mutants... which you see for a split second.
Small review as this movie is boring, relies on jump tactics where you see nothing, slow boring pacing and the only person you like gets killed at the start.
Boring, boring, boring.
Gore: 0/5
Plot: 1/5
Scares: 2/5
Acting: 1/5
Overall enjoyment: 0/5

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