Sunday, 16 December 2012


I'm a big fan of British horror, I think we are pretty ace at it but sometimes something comes along and makes you think... oh.. and this movie for me is Broken. A horror movie of the Brit kind and only made in 2006 but pretty unknown from the looks of the Internet.
So here we go on a magical journey of the below average.
The trailers before this movie were so badly made and shit I thought this movie was going to be somewhat dated and mid 1990's sorta era but no, it was 2006. The first thing you notice is the sound isn't the best, everything seems muffled and like they are far too close to their mics but it does get somewhat better.
The movie starts with a women buried alive in a box and struggling to get out, when she does she is attacked by a stranger who looks like he's dressed for a day in 'Red Dead Redemption' and tied to a tree with her neck bound and with one slip she'll be choked to death.
In a SAW style 'the means for your escape is inside your own body' the women digs through her guts and pulls out a razor blade which she uses to cut herself free but not being able to take any more that the stranger has planned she begs him to kill her, instead he simply gives her the gun and she kills herself.
Now the main movie starts and our lead lady whose name I forgot or didn't care about as no one other then her little girl's name gets called at all.. So we'll call her blond lady. Blond lady has a very good date with some dingus and goes home to see her daughter, everything is terribly boring and we wish the movie would get going again..
Ah then she wakes up in the same box as the lady from the credits and the same thing happens to her, bound to a tree and needing to dig out the blade from her cuts to live.
She does and proves herself to the stranger, she stumbles through the woods bailing and making that godawful wailing noises some more while she does so, Oh god when she cries and screams the bad acting comes out in buckets and buckets...
She finds her little girls teddy covered in blood and that gives her more to whine about and soon she is dragged off to a little camp site where she is patched up, her blouse is cleaned..
THIS is my biggest fucking bug bare in the movie,  WHITE blouse which is totally covered in blood is then cleaned to perfect white and I mean PERFECT white with just a rag and a saucepan of hot water.. what the hell, come on you've tried so much to make this look like a 'based on a real story' and yet magical blouses?
Ok enough of that but damn, Really?
So yeah now she is at this nutjobs camp and he's fixed her up nice and chained her to a tree. When she wakes up she whines some more but is given food to shut her up.
Nothing really happens for awhile, she's just forced to do his chores for him such as clean his pots and pans and tend this crappy garden, if the plants die then she dies.
The kidnapper is so posh it's unreal.
So when he's gone for a day of whatever he does, more then likely go into town and get his awful haircut sorted out she manages to grab a knife he just left lying around but when he comes back she's a dumbass and doesn't use it when she has the chance.
More boring stuff happens, he makes her have a wash in front of him, she has sex with him before trying to escape in which he then gives her the 'Misary' treatment and cripples one of her legs.
Not happy with one women to wash his three pots and tend his garden he manages to get ahold of a schoolgirl who's crying and screaming acting is much better then the blond women's but god you just want her to shut the hell up.
After not taking the hint to shut up the stranger shuts her up by removing her tongue.
So that shuts her up and now blond only has to do the garden as school girl now has to wash the pots. More boring things blah but then our clever girl has already had enough of this nutjob and unlike blond who tried sex to get away she fills her sock with stones and bashes the crap out of the stranger, frees herself and is gone.
The bitch that we have followed all this time is wearing socks.. did she never think to? and also all those pots he has are HUGE and heavy! why did no one think of smacking him over the head with those? So school girl escapes and when the stranger comes around he goes after her and strangles her to death which really messes him up as even though he's done horrid things to people he's never 'killed'
When he returns to base the blond women is loose and is armed with a steal pipe he's freaking out and just tells her to kill him. He was a decent enough bad guy and now he's begging for his end like some of the women before have done.. she does it and caves his skull in and limps away.
She finds a little hut on her way through the forest, she peaks in and sees her little girl chained up. She barges her way into the hut.
Just to be faced with a hobo's version of a SAW trap.
Now this movie was obviously painfully low budget and that was more then likely why it was all filmed in a wood but the gore when there was some was good, it didn't look cheap for the most part, I think that's where their budget went.
The acting was bad and the plot was a good idea but I feel more could have happened or at least this movie would have been great if the actors has been more powerful in conveying their emotions and feelings.
For as cheap as it looked at times there was some scenes that looked very well shot and I was impressed such as this one.
Seeing that alone you'd be falled into thinking it was a good quailty movie.
all in all not the best movie.
Gore: 3/5
Plot: 2/5
Acting: 1/5
Scares: 0/5
Pacing: 2/5
Overall enjoyment: 1.5/5

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