In The Flesh

Due to the fact I never watch TV this one slipped me by for awhile until a work mate pointed it out so I started to watch and.. it's good.

 

In The Flesh is a BBC three part drama in which the dead came back to life and all hell broke lose.. after the events of the zombie take over alot of zombies were rounded up and 'cured' thanks to injections which give their brains the thing that being dead took away and now they walk amongst us but with all memories of their past lives in tact.

 

 

 

These people are called PDS 'Partally Dead Syndrome' and they try and fit back into our world. Our story is about a boy who had killed himself and there are alot of unresolved issues in the family due to how he died.

 

Where he lives sadly is a very god loving, low tolerance northern community that hate 'rotters' and who lead the HVF [Human Volunteer Force] which includes our main guys sister. It shows the northern lot in a very 'nice' light but as someone from the south.. oh well.

 

Anyway it's about zombies who came back, got cured and have to deal with 'living' their lives again and dealing with the guilt of what they have done and also dealing with the true livings feelings towards them.

 

 

A new, fresh look on the overly done to ahem.. death zombie story.

 

Three parts which doesn't feel rushed as you see him coming home, the struggles he gets from a conflicted family, a community who hate him and also meeting people along the way. It's powerful and compelling and  a damn good watch.

 

I can't say a bad thing about it other then the fuck ugly guy called 'Dean'...

Plot: 5/5
Acting: 4/5
Gore: 4/5
Scares: 1/5
Overall enjoyment: 5/5

 

 

XJigsawX

 

Broken

I'm a big fan of British horror, I think we are pretty ace at it but sometimes something comes along and makes you think... oh.. and this movie for me is Broken. A horror movie of the Brit kind and only made in 2006 but pretty unknown from the looks of the Internet.

 

So here we go on a magical journey of the below average.

 

(2006)

 

The trailers before this movie were so badly made and shit I thought this movie was going to be somewhat dated and mid 1990's sorta era but no, it was 2006. The first thing you notice is the sound isn't the best, everything seems muffled and like they are far too close to their mics but it does get somewhat better.

 

The movie starts with a women buried alive in a box and struggling to get out, when she does she is attacked by a stranger who looks like he's dressed for a day in 'Red Dead Redemption' and tied to a tree with her neck bound and with one slip she'll be choked to death.

 

In a SAW style 'the means for your escape is inside your own body' the women digs through her guts and pulls out a razor blade which she uses to cut herself free but not being able to take any more that the stranger has planned she begs him to kill her, instead he simply gives her the gun and she kills herself.

 

Now the main movie starts and our lead lady whose name I forgot or didn't care about as no one other then her little girl's name gets called at all.. So we'll call her blond lady. Blond lady has a very good date with some dingus and goes home to see her daughter, everything is terribly boring and we wish the movie would get going again..

 

Ah then she wakes up in the same box as the lady from the credits and the same thing happens to her, bound to a tree and needing to dig out the blade from her cuts to live.

 

 

She does and proves herself to the stranger, she stumbles through the woods bailing and making that godawful wailing noises some more while she does so, Oh god when she cries and screams the bad acting comes out in buckets and buckets...

 

She finds her little girls teddy covered in blood and that gives her more to whine about and soon she is dragged off to a little camp site where she is patched up, her blouse is cleaned..

 

THIS is my biggest fucking bug bare in the movie,  WHITE blouse which is totally covered in blood is then cleaned to perfect white and I mean PERFECT white with just a rag and a saucepan of hot water.. what the hell, come on you've tried so much to make this look like a 'based on a real story' and yet magical blouses?

 

Ok enough of that but damn, Really?

 

So yeah now she is at this nutjobs camp and he's fixed her up nice and chained her to a tree. When she wakes up she whines some more but is given food to shut her up.

 

Nothing really happens for awhile, she's just forced to do his chores for him such as clean his pots and pans and tend this crappy garden, if the plants die then she dies.

 

 

The kidnapper is so posh it's unreal.

 

So when he's gone for a day of whatever he does, more then likely go into town and get his awful haircut sorted out she manages to grab a knife he just left lying around but when he comes back she's a dumbass and doesn't use it when she has the chance.

 

More boring stuff happens, he makes her have a wash in front of him, she has sex with him before trying to escape in which he then gives her the 'Misary' treatment and cripples one of her legs.

 

Not happy with one women to wash his three pots and tend his garden he manages to get ahold of a schoolgirl who's crying and screaming acting is much better then the blond women's but god you just want her to shut the hell up.

 

After not taking the hint to shut up the stranger shuts her up by removing her tongue.

 

 

So that shuts her up and now blond only has to do the garden as school girl now has to wash the pots. More boring things blah but then our clever girl has already had enough of this nutjob and unlike blond who tried sex to get away she fills her sock with stones and bashes the crap out of the stranger, frees herself and is gone.

 

The bitch that we have followed all this time is wearing socks.. did she never think to? and also all those pots he has are HUGE and heavy! why did no one think of smacking him over the head with those? So school girl escapes and when the stranger comes around he goes after her and strangles her to death which really messes him up as even though he's done horrid things to people he's never 'killed'

 

When he returns to base the blond women is loose and is armed with a steal pipe he's freaking out and just tells her to kill him. He was a decent enough bad guy and now he's begging for his end like some of the women before have done.. she does it and caves his skull in and limps away.

 

She finds a little hut on her way through the forest, she peaks in and sees her little girl chained up. She barges her way into the hut.

 

Just to be faced with a hobo's version of a SAW trap.

 

Now this movie was obviously painfully low budget and that was more then likely why it was all filmed in a wood but the gore when there was some was good, it didn't look cheap for the most part, I think that's where their budget went.

 

The acting was bad and the plot was a good idea but I feel more could have happened or at least this movie would have been great if the actors has been more powerful in conveying their emotions and feelings.

 

For as cheap as it looked at times there was some scenes that looked very well shot and I was impressed such as this one.

 

Seeing that alone you'd be falled into thinking it was a good quailty movie.

 

all in all not the best movie.

 

Gore: 3/5

Plot: 2/5

Acting: 1/5

Scares: 0/5

Pacing: 2/5

 

Overall enjoyment: 1.5/5

 

XJigsawX

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Top Ten

Long needed update, sorry for all my 'masses' of readers. I've gotten a full time job so been consumeed with normal life (boo) and here is a rather lame update. My top ten(well.. eleven as I could not cut a final one) movies and suggestions for all of you guys. And it's also out of the ones I own..

 

Not in any real order mind you.

 

 

 

Dawn Of The Dead (2004)

 

I confess I still haven't watched the original Dawn Of The Dead but I really loved this movie. I thought it was scary, gripping, the people made you feel ie you thought Ving Rhames was a legend and the annoying girl should just die but either way they weren't cardboard cutouts they were people you either liked or hated where as so many horror movies now are so wafer thin you really don't care about them.

 

The gore is good, the acting is ace and the sound track is one of the best ones I have ever come across in a horror movie. Just a really good movie and had powerful emotions from the people acting.

 

I think everyone has seen it and knows what it's about.. zombies, people lock themselves in a mall, etc etc. Who DOESN'T know of this movie?

 

 

 

The Descent (2005)

 

A British horror movie and gosh don't I have a soft spot for those, the only time I feel any true 'British pride' in fact is when it comes to our horror movies. The Descent was another well paced movie where the characters were all people and had their own personal and emotional struggles even better was that it was women and they weren't typical women in most horror movies.

 

Our main women is a strong and powerful women [God I sound like a Beyonce song] who not only has to deal with what is going on in the caves but also dealing with a touch realisation that her best fiend has betrayed her.

 

Six women go into an uncharted cave and they aren't alone as loads of what appear to be Golem from Lord Of The Rings have overrun these dark tunnels. Good scares, good acting, emotional and also mind fucky and not a very nice conclusion to the tale.

 

Also USA reviews, get ahold of the English version as the ending is the full one not the pussy out ending.

 

 

Dog Soldiers (2002)

 

Now this movie IS one of my fav movies of all time. Again it's a great British horror and once again a product of Neil Marshal. I think I saw this one in the movies.. three times and have watched it on VHS and DVD at least ten times in my life it's just an awesome movie.

 

No special effects, its all as you see it and even down the the werewolves who are clearly men in suits but it doesn't look that fake or tacky it's just good. This to me is the standard of what all werewolf movies need to reach. I have not seen such a great werewolf movie since this one.

 

It's also abit tongue in cheek with the humour, it's a horror but has some elements of humour which sit neatly in the tense survival and teamwork the movie is all about. The guys who are in it are amazing, if American film makers would watch this then they'd get a real grasp on the actual accents of 'blokes'.

 

A team of soldiers go for a special training operation up in Scotland but they are being used for bait..

 

 

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

 

Now this remake.. I HAVE seen the original one and as mush as I love Wes Craven's works the original failed to have the impact this movie had. It was a close enough remake but it had so much more power and passion shown in the acting and shooting then the first one had, maybe that's an age thing but that's how I think.

 

Loved the actors, they did some very taboo scenes such as an attempt/actual rape scene and also seeing someone burnt alive but they did it in a tasteful way that still made it more horrible to watch then disgusting. The make-up and the effects on the mutants faces were amazing and I am a huge fan of Robert Joy anyway so it was nice seeing him in a much bigger and more sinister role then he's ever played before.

 

Good gore and again passionate characters, I can't stress enough how important that is to me in a horror movie and what is so sorely lacked these days. Also the comic add on for this is pretty effing good too.

 

 

The Mist (2007)

 

I don't think many horror fans don't have a Mr King movie on their top tens he is a legend in the genre. The Mist is by far my fav of his works. It's sci-fi horror but done in such a way that it's not OMG ALIENS!!!!! it's a rip in a dimension from the government fucking around and the people are holed up together and having to deal with it.

 

When you do see the creatures they are well done and creepy, some bits in the movie make you shiver deep down. It's not a jump out scary movie it's a tense and deep movie where you are waiting every second to find out what is going to happen next to these unfortunate people.

 

I also love the very bold move in the fact that this movie shows that in a time of crises people who are not always believers or God or faith will turn when it looks like they need saving and how easy it is for scared and fearful people to turn to faith and be brainwashed when they think there is no way out.

 

I hated that women so much for the record.

 

The people are just as dangerous as the things outside and that's what makes the movie very gripping. The ending is one of the nastiest I have ever seen and even when I watch it now I refuse to watch that ending again as it's such an unsettling and bitter ending.

 

 

 

Pulse (2006)

Originally a Japanese movie which I feel I need to track down and own. The plot is one of the best I have even seen. The dead can pas through a newly opened airwaves and they take from the living what they don't have. Life, the will to live which causes a long string of suicides.

 

It's a dark movie and very jumpy in places but also the dull feeling of it makes it a depressing movie which goes nicely with the theme. There isn't much more to it then that, the acting could have been better but sometimes a movie can still carry average acting and the effects and the ghosts in this are really chilling.

 

The thought that the world is doomed to the dead taking over and the only place you are safe are in 'dead zone' another bitter movie but it's good and it also plays on a tech that we so greatly love and can't live without is what fucks us over.

 

 

Reeker (2005)

 

I feel like I am one of the few people out there who thought this movie was good and clever.. I loved this movie. It's another tale of another version of 'Death' 'The Grim Reaper' and it's not clear until the very end what was happening.

 

It feels like they are stuck in this shit motel and things are going wrong and people are being killed one by one in nasty ways. One girl gets killed while having a shit.. what a way to go man. The gore is good, the effects are good, the pacing is also good and the acting is forgivable. I don't want to go into too much detail as this story is a good one and the ending is one hell of a dosey.

 

I think it's also one of those movies if you miss 'key bits' that give away the plot you will miss it and need to re-watch to fully understand. A bit of a thinker but very good.

 

 

Stay Alive (2006)

 

Ok, so this movie is pretty shit to most people and I've not seen many good things about it but I ENJOYED it. It was silly, jumpy, dumbass people in the thing but I liked it. The creepy kids in the video game portions were ugh shudder... and it was jumpy and had some real scary bits and pieces here and there.

 

I liked the idea of a video game that if you died in it you died in real life. The plot of the game itself was pretty awesome and I think it would make a bitching real game. The game seemed to have a life of it's own and had no issues with cheating...

 

But yeah, no real gore, some moron charters and no real great acting of notice but damnit it was creepy in places and I like video games.

 

 

Splinter (2008)

 

A strange movie that had a really new take on infection. There is this virus that takes ahold of its host, drawn by warmth it takes over and regardless of how the body of it's host can move and wither they are dead or alive.. it takes them over.

 

The virus is cool and not like much out there. Gore and acting is fine and the plot isn't the best but the actual movie is really good to watch.. even though there is a comical scene where a hand has a mind and life of it's own and is very close to THING  from Addams Family.

 

 

 

The Skeleton Key (2005)

 

I love the plot of this movie, it's not jump out scary or gory it's just a good movie and the plot is amazing. There needs to be more voodoo related movies in modern times. The acting is great, the atmosphere is good and the movie even though it has it's non scary moments never seems boring it's still interesting.

 

It sets a good mood and vibe that really suits it and you can sink into as you watch it. The ending is amazing and abit of a plot twist. Bitter and sweet almost.

 

Our main women is a carer for those who are on their way out of life and cares more about the people then alot of the others, she takes on a job as a live in carer to help a wife of the man who had a stroke and things in the old house aren't as they seem.

 

Thir13en Ghosts (2001)

 

Corny as fuck but a great movie for giggles. The psychic Denis is the highlight of the whole thing, how he deals with the horridly stupid family of their late uncle who the worked for. There are some real funny bits, I will never forget 'Goats in the basement?' 'GHOSTS! there are GHOSTS in the basement, if it was petting zoo down there do you think I'd be so fucking freaked out!?'

 

I love how stupid the family is and how horridly cliche their black nanny is.

 

So a family who has a loving mother, father and two kids unit suffers a terrible tragedy and fall on hard times and the fathers uncle dies and leaves them a house... made of glass and covered in creepy Latin spells.

 

The ghosts are well designed and I really liked the whole 'Zodiac' spin on it. I liked the story as bad as it was. Gore was good, scares were pretty good, I always loved when the camera would just take you down the halls of  the glass house and you'd maybe just catch a look of something..

 

Also 'the Torso' ghost was just a legless torso wrapped in plastic with his head separate.. how they hell is he going to do any damage? chuck his head at you? ok so some of the ghost designs weren't the best..

 

 

So those are my top ten movies, good or bad I like them for whatever reason and really hope you all have a watch and also enjoy!

 

XJigsawX

 

 

London Expo - The Event

Well I've moved now so it's tine to get to work on the next update for the London Expo.

I want to thank my friends who had to deal with my bullshit over the weekend of seeing something and rushing over to take a photo of it or look at it or spend half an hour playing it... I'd have punched me if I was them haha! but yes I've been going to Expo a long time but never as a blogger so it was interesting to pay attention to all the small things I might have ignored before hand.

The new Alien game and Lolipop Chainsaw were very much the key items in the horror genre this expo. Sadly I had no chance of getting to play the Alien game as I lack the urge to line up for half an hour BUT I did see the awesome Alien and marines around.

I'm so effing cool.

Daaaaww~

But from what I did notice the game and people in costume were massive hits with the crowds.

Now I DID get to play some horror related games.. Lolipop Chainsaw which I thought looked just like DEAD RISING with tits but I was wrong. Same idea but as you know zombies are very much not a fresh concept and there isn't allot you can do to spice them up.

You are a cheerleader and there are zombies everywhere in your school. I didn't get any real cut scenes so I had no idea of her back story other then she's a cheerleader and has a head attached to her belt?

The game is very fun to play I'd say it was like DEAD RISING meets BAYONETA. Pretty, flash and easy to work.

That's me not some old horridly dressed man.

The other game I got to play was the Wii version of PROJECT ZERO 2/ FATAL FRAME 2 and I'll say this now... man it was boring as fuck. I think I played for half an hour and nothing happened? the plot is good as they all are and as a J horror fag I know that the Japanese love to build their tension and make the atmosphere drip with tension but damn it was slow and Wii controls work like dick anyway.

I'm sure if I played the XBOX version I'd like it more.

There was a fair few neat horror related merch to buy but I do find at Expo that every other shop is cute crap that is very much aimed at girls or middle aged guys.... cough.

This is awesome! it combines two of my loves together. Street Fighter and Zombies.

No idea what this game would be like but IT'S THE WALKING DEAD I NEED TO BUY IT. Also you know when your fandom has made it when it has it's own board game.

Awesome zombie drinks from CYBER CANDY.

I also met a few famous people while at the event one being the pretty, lovely and chatty Elvira.

This woman has aged well and is stunning. I told her this and she seemed flattered. I've seen her without the costume garb on too and she's hella pretty.

I also got to meet Noel Clarke who is a sound guy, awesome and chatty just a very nice guy and got my DOG HOUSE DVD signed.

So all in all the weekend was pretty ace. I got to dress up like a twat, have loads of fun with friends and try some new games. I came away with a few things but didn't guy buying crazy like I did last time.

Signed DOG HOUSE and my DEAD SPACE T-shirt which has become like a second skin to me.

Hope you all enjoyed my Expo recap, I had fun rambling.

XJigsawX

London Expo Horror Guests

So I am going to London Expo this weekend and hope to see some of you awesome people there. I will be in cosplay so I don't think many people will be seeing the real me but look out for JIGSAW from SAW on Sunday and please feel free to come up and chat.

So these are the horror related guests [no matter how minor]

Noel Clarke

Dog House and more

Pascale Hutton

Gingersnaps and more

Cassandra Peterson

Elvira

Sarah Carter

Final Destination 2

THIS WEEKEND AT LONDON EXPO

DEAD SET

[2008]

Dead Set is a TV series that was five episodes long and aired every night in a row from October 27th. I don't know if any Americans are awear of the horrid boring cash cow we in the UK had to endure year after year called 'Big Brother' it plays on the term of being watched, they put in the biggest bunch of money grabbing and attention starved people into a 'house' where 'big brother' watches and monitors them and each week one of these half wits who's not deemed as popular as other half wits get the boot.

So Charlie Brooker created a cross over of Big Brother and the zombie outbreak. I've seen the show once before when it was airing and decided to re-watch and give it a review. I've only reviewed one episode as I hope people will give some British horror a go and watch it for themselves.

The footage is very official to Big Brother since E4 and Channel 4 owners of Big Brother ran this show so they even have the northern narrator and Devina McCall in on the whole thing which for us UK people gave it some real reality, our proper news reporters also made up the fake outbreak stories which you don't get in huge movies aye?

So cue the same cliche scummy people we get in Big Brother year after year, a twat, a pompous prick, a moron, a chavvy woman, a Northerner, a fatty, a tranny and just general chavvy no ones. They themselves are about as fun as paint drying to watch.

The first episode looks on the production staff and how everything is going wrong back stage with the contestants none the wiser to the hell going on outside their fake four walls. We have a main character called Kelly who is cheating on her boyfriend and works for the biggest asshole of a boss. A member of the team goes to get one of the consents mother and along the way they find a crashed car.

Now in anything with zombies being curious or good natured will get you munched and indeed we have dinner for the victims of the zombie virus. The assistant then decides to take the bloody driver towards the studio where all hell breaks loose, loads of people who have come to enjoy their awful live experience with Big Brother soon become little more then fast food.

The zombies are of the zombie lore of get bitten, die come back alive, become sprinters even though the person before becoming a zombie more then likely never  ran more then five seconds in their life kind. One gets into the production studio and it all goes to hell in a hand basket.

Soon our main girl Kelly is the only one alive and boy is she a smart female role for once, she arms herself with the biggest pair of scissors you will ever find which confuses me to why they were in an office? Anyway Kelly armed manages to take down the man she was shagging who decided to become one of the walking dead with very little guilt towards killing him but instead longs for the man she's really dating who she's been brushing off.

Oh silly human dramas~

So now everyone in the building is a zombie which includes Devina McCall and damn if you thought she was annoying BEFORE...

The contestants in the Big Brother house carry on having their petty dramas but slowly realise that Big Brother isn't watching, there is something going on and it's not good. As the airheads try figure out what is wrong Kelly is running across the courtyard with scissors. Wouldn't that be ironic if when the world has become the living dead and you fall on a pair of fucking scissors?

She gets into the house and all the zoo animals.. I mean contestants think it's all a joke, that Big Brother was trying to trick them and put either a retarded person or a crazy person in their little group to stir stuff up. One of these contestants really doesn't believe her and teases her by opening and shutting a door and of course A WILD ZOMBIE APPEARS and takes two of them out.

Kelly decides the huuuuuge pair of scisors isn't enough and gets something else to bash the zombies brains in. It's safe to say that they believe her wild claims now.

End of episode one.

Like I said there are five episodes in all and I think you can still watch them online today if not the DVD costs pretty much nothing on the likes of Amazon. This show is shot well, has all your typical zombie outbreak needs such as shaky camera, screaming, running in blind panic and much much more.

The gore is fantastic and looks just as high budget as anything Hollywood has to offer us. If your a fan of Brit horror then this one is a good one, it includes such lines as "Smells like fingering in here..."

Scares: 1/5

Gore: 4/5

Story: 2.5/5

Acting: 5/5

Over all enjoyment: 5/5

It's a good one kids.

X6XJigsawX6X