Antivrial

(2012)

Ugh.. watching Antiviral is like having sex with that one girl you have lusted after ever since you saw her just to get her home, have sex with her to find out she has a penis. That unhappy filthy and disappointed feeling you have wash over you and you can't even look at her again without cringing... Antiviral is my new 'Funny Games'

So aside from all that sexy mental imagery I just gave you'antivrial' as you can tell was.. poo. Like art student 'WHATS THE HIDDEN MEANING?' poo. Like poo poo.

Now the plot was fantastic and when I read it on the box I needed it in my life it sounded so fresh and new and a little mind fucky which horror has been lacking since like the first SAW so I bought it and settled down to watch what I thought was going to be awesome.

The plot is the world is so over obsessed with the world of the rich and famous that you can even buy the illnesses they have from a lab so you can feel closer to your target celeb. Would be cheaper and far easier if you really loved the slags from TOWIE a kebab and a pint will get you between their legs and infected with god knows what in one night of carelessness.

So people pay so much to get these viruses o feel what their favourite people feel. It's a gripping idea to think of people that obsessed with it that they want to do this to themselves but that's the madness of the media and what not.. again art student THE MEANING OF IT ALL but anyway. So this ugly as ass main guy who mumbles far too much for my liking and wished he came with subs is our main man.

(Funny enough no he doesn't live in his mothers basement)

He smuggles some viruses out in his body and sells them to a rival group. Oh this rival group also grows fake celeb meat that people can buy and eat and it's this horrid grey mush, so we have some cannibalism to be added to the plot.

He then gets sent to get a virus from this very hot very popular girl and he sneakily injects himself with it as it's brand new and no one has it. He then hears in the media that she has died and he is now infected with it and the rival group realises he has the 'Hannah' virus and basically steals his blood.

Alot of needle scenes a hell of allot of needle scenes and I really fucking hate needles so I think I watched about 1/4 of the movie that wasn't hiding behind my arm going 'IS IS OVER YET?!' yeah I am a massive wuss when it comes to needles.. I don't know what I expected to be honest.

(Arty!)

Classed as a horror but a horror it is not. Scenes of medical ickyness and possible cannibal scenes but not a horror. The only thing that was scary was the ginger main guy who looked about 12 and wearing one of his dads suits. I also have never seen someone eat and drink so much of the same sandwich an orange juice.. it was like the movie was sponsored by them or something..

It tried to be arty and gritty but lost any element of horror it ever could have had. Solely relying on it's lighting, closeups, art student faggery and the bases most people will cringe and be scared of needles. Yeah.... no.

That didn't sit in my horror collection  for more then a day let me assure you. Now it haunts the shelves of CEX.

Plot: 5/5

Scares: 0/5

Gore: 1.5/5

Acting: 1/5

Overall enjoyment: 0.5/5

Boring as hell.

XJigsawX