Sunday, 12 May 2013

The Walking Dead Card Game

 
I've tried to play this two times now with two different people and no one has fucking worked it out yet. I saw it and hey I love Walking Dead and love card games.. so I bought this on payday for an ok £13.99 and damn son. It's not good.
 
Well.. it might be the most amazing game in the world.. I just don't bloody understand it. The whole set is abit duff too if I'm honest.. We get 104 'walker' cards and 6 'hero' cards tho for the shit of me I still can't tell the point of the hero cards.
 
You have no idea my rage there is a freakin' T-Dog card but not a Dale? or anyone more relevant? ok cool...
 
 
Yep
 
How it says to play online is different to the sheer wtf wording the rule book has... and there is two ways to play this bullshit. Me and my friend just pretty much made up a game using the cards and it still wasn't fun.
 
The Walking Dead Card Game, based on Wolfgang Kramer's 6 nimmt!, features the same basic gameplay as that card game while adding ten character cards and two modes of play: Survival and Hero.
To play the game, you shuffle the 104 number cards, lay out four cards face-up to start the four rows, then deal a number of cards to each player. Each turn, players simultaneously choose and reveal a card from their hand, then add the cards to the rows, with cards being placed in ascending order based on their number; each card is placed in the row that ends with the highest number that's below the card's number. When the sixth card is placed in a row, the owner of that card claims the other five cards and the sixth card becomes the first card in a new row.
In addition to a number from 1 to 104, each card has a zombie point value. In Survival mode (for 3-10 players), players want to collect as few points as possible, while in Hero mode (for 2-6 players) you want to collect more zombie points than anyone else. In Hero mode, each player has a single-use character card that can give you an extra advantage in the round in which you play it.
 
I just....... what? maybe I'm being thick..
 
 
A deck of 104 zombie cards and these are the only pictures you get... bit cheap really when there are worlds of screen shots you could have used... Also the cards themselves feel grainy and really unfinished.. it was a case of 'Slap WALKING DEAD on it and nerds will buy it' well played... well played...
 
T-Dog's seen some things man...
 
All in all if you are a collector of The Walking Dead then yeah.. why not but if you like fun and not wasting your money on some sell out crap? avoid it.
 
Just play snap or something with them.. I don't even.
 
0/5
 
XJigsawX
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

Monday, 6 May 2013

House Of The Dead 3

 
All my love for this franchise and the third one is the love of my life. If this game was a women I'd be married to it, with three kids, a house and even a shit car to fit all the kids in. The game itself people could argue sucks but for me I just fucking love it.
 
It's fun, it's zombies with green fucking blood, and I used to work full time in an arcade and baby sitting and keeping the games all clean tidy and safe from shit kids was a biiiig part of my job and this machine was my baby. The guns worked even if they were made from 90% duct tape and happy thoughts.
 
 
So yeah I used to spend a good deal of my early twenties on my lunch break playing this game and I got rather good at it. The cgi is lol-able and I enjoyed the tarot card references. Like how the guard was 'DEATH' and his weakness was his head...
 
Up until you have to choose either 'THE FOOL' [giant asshole sloth monster] and 'THE SUN' [Massive tentacle monster with the heads] I'm amazing. I can beat 'DEATH' and get all the way to either of those bosses on my own for like £2 with the help of knowing where hidden lives are.
 
That fucking sloth.... UGH sloths are slow not like great big hairy ball sacked ninja's. Damn. The plant thing is alright just hard to aim at.
 
God damn assclown.
 
 
 
Plus the main guy is a great big spinny wheel of death 'WHEEL OF FATE' and my god he is a massive asshole. On my last night of working at the arcade I fired in £10 to see how fire I could go.. this guy decided to flop his dick out and piss all over my chips.. But hey I never said I could aim for crap to start with.
 
Also fucking love playing it on XBOX even though gotta reply on controllers which aren't as fun or as easy to use.
 
Either way I am sad it's hard to find this game in arcades any more.. where I used to work no longer has it. Too little horror related arcade games no more...
 
XJigsawX
 
 
 

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Zombie Awareness Month

Well kids it's the month of May which means not just 'May the 4th be with you' or 'free comic bookday' or even 'MCM London Expo' no, even with all those amazingly nerdy events in one month it is also the month in which we must realise the implications of the arising zombie apocalypse. Zombie awareness month!
 
So in today's fun blog post I will be listing a bunch of useful zombie related items and hey you might even learn something that will save your life!
 
 
 
 
Dr Dale's Zombie Dictionary: The A-Z Guide to Staying Alive
 
If you think the whole zombie thing is a bunch of rubbish then this book is a great funny read but also dead [haha!] informative! it shows you how you can use anything to your advantage in a full blown zombie attack.. even how to make use of Lorraine Kelly!
 
 
 
The Zombie Survival Guide
 
I always loved this book because I couldn't tell if it was trying to be so serious it was funny.,.. or it was funny because it's so serious.. either way it's a fantastic and well written book and the best thing to study for the future attacks.!
 
 
 
Left 4 Dead
 
Always a good way to find out who of your friends will be useful to have around and who your better off using as fodder to the undead masses... but on the flip side they will also see what a massive cock you really are.. Get some team training in with this game!
 
 
 
Dawn Of The Dead
 
Amazing soundtrack, overall great movie.. watch it, love it, avoid the kinds of people in the movie and also a handy reminder that people fucking suck in end of the world situations and... mall's aren't great places to hide.
 
 
 
Zombie Shopping Mall Experience
 
Get trained! in an awesome taster of what it could be like when the world goes to shit.
 
 
That's all from me today but hope you enjoyed my little post. Keep your eyes open and ears to the ground for the end of the world as we know it~
 
XJigsawX

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Guest Post: Top 13 Bad-ass Horror Females

Jigsaw: Here is a guest post from my good friend Gemma! enjoy!
 
 
Us girls love a good strong female to look up to and rally behind, sadly most horror chicks end up naked and beaten against another girl in a closed sleeping bag or possessed and violated by a tree. (Jason X, Evil Dead) I've gathered up a few of the best female protagonists who truly deserve the title bad-ass. Enjoy!
 
 

Ellen Ripley


From: Alien
Warrant Officer Ripley is aboard Nostromo, a spaceship hauling fuel back on 
its return trip to Earth. When the ships signal is interrupted, the crew investigate the
 nearby planetoid, leaving Ripley to make repairs. One of the investigating crew is injured by a 
creature later named a 'face hugger' that attaches to his face. The crew violate quarantine by
 bringing him on board along with the creature inside him and trouble ensues. The creature kills all
 crew on board and Ellen commences an explosion to kill the creature before shuttling herself the heck 
out of there back into space.
Memorable Moments: When Ripley discovers the alien queen growing inside her, she kills
 herself by throwing herself into a furnace as the creature begins to erupt from her chest.
Quote: 'We waste this thing, and then you take care of me.'

Baby Firefly


From: House Of 1000 Corpses
Vera-Ellen or 'Baby' is your one of a kind morbid daddy's girl who belongs to a family 
of twisted serial killers. Baby invites two couples she encounters while hitch-hiking back to her
 house, where they meet the Firefly family.
Memorable Moments: Baby parading around in a cheerleader outfit taken
 from one of the dead teenagers her and the family torture and kill.
Quote: (To one of her victims) 'You can go ahead and piss yourself for 
all I care. If you want special favours you gotta give me something in return.'

Jennifer Hills


From: I Spit On Your Grave
A young woman takes a cabin retreat to work on her book, while alone and vulnerable 
she is brutalised, raped and left for dead by a local sheriff and some morally depraved 
individuals. After she falls into a river and is believed dead by the attackers, we enjoy 
watching her extract her revenge in equally vile an brutal ways, finishing with the sheriff.
Memorable Moments: During her revenge binge, she captures one man in a bear 
trap, holds his eyes open with fish hooks and leaves crows to peck out his eyes.
Quote: (Storch: 'She's just an innocent girl!') 'So was I.'

Elizabeth Shaw


From: Prometheus
Set in 2089, archeologists Elizabeth Shaw and partner Holloway find a star map in Scotland
 they believe to be the clue to humanities origins. An elderly CEO funds a trip to follow the map 
to the moon LV-223 aboard the ship Prometheus. Holloway is poisoned by David, the ships 
butler and maintenance man, afterwards he infects Elizabeth and impregnates her with one of 
the creatures found on the moon. 
Memorable Moments: When Shaw is inpregnated with the alien, she uses the ships 
automated surgery capsule to slice open her stomach, extract the squirming creature and staple
 her wound back together. No medication. 
Quote: 'Make no attempt to come to this place of origin, there is only death here now. 
My name is Elizabeth Shaw, last survivor of Prometheus, and I'm still searching.'

Cybil Bennett


From: Silent Hill
When Rose's daughter Sharon is having odd dreams where she wakes up screaming 'Silent 
Hill', she decides to drive to the place to discover the source of her daughter's terrors. She 
encounters a cop called Cybil who accuses her of kidnapping her daughter and after discovering 
her crashed car in the desolate Silent Hill, handcuffs Rose and becomes her companion as 
they battle the demons of the place.
Memorable Moments: She took being tied to a ladder and burnt to death like a champ, not
 screaming for mercy, but calling quietly for her mother and branding her killers crazy 
as her skin melts away.
Quote: 'Mother is god in the eyes of a child'

Clarice Starling


From: Silence Of The Lambs
Starling is a student of the FBI academy, working in the behavioural unit and tracking down
 serial killers. She is fortunate enough to encounter Hannibal Lecter, a brilliant psychiatrist 
and cannibalistic serial killer. 
Memorable Moments: Clarice wonders into serial killer Buffalo Bill's house 
and fends him off alone and covered in darkness. 
Quote: 'Your anagrams are showing, Doctor. Louis Friend? Iron Sulfide, also 
known as Fool's Gold.'

Chris MacNiel


From: The Exorcist
Chris is the possessed Regan's long suffering mother, seeking the help of two priests 
when doctors offer no help for her daughter's drastic change of behaviour. 
Memorable Moments: Getting her face pushed where no mother's face should ever go.
Quote: 'I'm telling you that 'thing' upstairs isn't my daughter. Now, I want you to tell me that 
you know for a fact that there's nothing wrong with my daughter, except in her mind. You tell 
me for a fact that an exorcism wouldn't do any good. You tell me that!'

Erin Hardesty



From: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Erin Hardesty is played by the beautiful Jessica Biel in tight jeans and a white tank top, she 
makes a great slasher film heroin, being chased by a chainsaw wielding Leatherface, 
attempting to reason with a psychopath -hick sheriff and managing not to scream for 
the entire last half hour of the movie.
Memorable Moments: Managing to escape with a baby unharmed 
after repeatedly running over the sheriff.
Quote: 'Her body is starting to stink, you guys!'

Grace Stewart


From: The Others
Grace is a tightly-wound widow, living with her two children who suffer with photo
 sensitivity after her husband never returned from fighting in the second world war. 
Memorable Moments: The defining moment when Grace discovers she and her 
children are dead after she went mad, smothered them with a pillow and turned a rifle on herself.
Quote: 'At first I didn't understand what the pillows were doing in my hands and why 
you didn't move, but then I knew, it had happened, I killed my children.'

Rachel Keller


From: The Ring
A young journalist investigates her neice's sudden death and ends up fighting for her 
son's life after he is afflicted with the same deadly curse. We see Rachel grow from an 
unaffectionate, selfish parent to a fierce protagonist who witnesses an old man electrocuting
 himself, plunging into a well and climbing back out being trailed by a pissed off dead girl.
Memorable Moments: Being knocked down a well containing a dead body by a possessed TV.
Quote: 'I think before you die, you see the ring...'

Carrie White


From: Carrie
We've all been that weird girl in school who struggles to make friends and has a 
particularly over-bearing mother. However, not all of us have telekinesis that has
 an annoying habit of flaring up whenever we're pissed off (if only...). 
Memorable Moments: Sue, Carrie's only friend at school visits her grave and as 
she bends to place flowers down, a bloody hand bursts out and grabs her wrist. According to 
my dad, this is the moment where everyone jumped in the cinema way back in 1976.
Quote: 'It has nothing to do with Satan, Mama. It's me. Me. If I concentrate hard
enough I can move things.'

Angela Vidal


From: REC
Why is it the Spanish make such great, original horrors? Here is a great example of 
one, starring a television reporter Angela and her inconspicuous camera man who are 
left trapped in an apartment building containg a disease which turns people into bloody-thirsty savages. 
Memorable Moments: In true homage to the handheld camera phenomenon, at 
the end of REC 2, we witness Angela crawling into the cameras view and having 
a worm-like creature burrow down her throat. 
Quote: 'We have to tape everything, Pablo. For fuck's sake.'

Annie Wilkes


From: Misery
Annie Wilkes is how I imagine every Twilight fan if they were given the chance of 
kidnapping Robert Pattinson. Annie is a murderous, manic depressive and above all writer
 Paul Sheldon's biggest fan. So when he is caught in a blizzard and his car comes off the road, she 
seizes the oppurtunity to nurse him back to health and impose her will on the plot of his unfinished book.
Memorable Moments: The phrase 'hobbling' springs to mind, after Annie flies into a rage
 following Paul's attempted escape and breaks his ankles with a sledgehammer.
Quote: 'You! You dirty bird, how could you!'

Check out Gemma's blog: Cream Tea And Rose Jam

Saturday, 20 April 2013

Guest Post/I'm Alive

Well sorry for the lack of posts... again but been so busy it's crazy. I DID however meet with a friend over at Cream Tea And Rose Jam and did a very girly blog post for her.

So yeah if you want to check out some a pretty awesome blog and also my guest blog post check it out here..

 

Monday, 1 April 2013

In The Flesh

Due to the fact I never watch TV this one slipped me by for awhile until a work mate pointed it out so I started to watch and.. it's good.
 
In The Flesh is a BBC three part drama in which the dead came back to life and all hell broke lose.. after the events of the zombie take over alot of zombies were rounded up and 'cured' thanks to injections which give their brains the thing that being dead took away and now they walk amongst us but with all memories of their past lives in tact.
 
 
 
These people are called PDS 'Partally Dead Syndrome' and they try and fit back into our world. Our story is about a boy who had killed himself and there are alot of unresolved issues in the family due to how he died.
 
Where he lives sadly is a very god loving, low tolerance northern community that hate 'rotters' and who lead the HVF [Human Volunteer Force] which includes our main guys sister. It shows the northern lot in a very 'nice' light but as someone from the south.. oh well.
 
Anyway it's about zombies who came back, got cured and have to deal with 'living' their lives again and dealing with the guilt of what they have done and also dealing with the true livings feelings towards them.
 
 
A new, fresh look on the overly done to ahem.. death zombie story.
 
Three parts which doesn't feel rushed as you see him coming home, the struggles he gets from a conflicted family, a community who hate him and also meeting people along the way. It's powerful and compelling and  a damn good watch.
 
I can't say a bad thing about it other then the fuck ugly guy called 'Dean'...

Plot: 5/5
Acting: 4/5
Gore: 4/5
Scares: 1/5
Overall enjoyment: 5/5
 
 
XJigsawX
 

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Horror News 2013!

Normally I am fairly in the know about whats coming up but I dropped the ball abit so here is a massive, massive update on horror related guests coming to you in the UK this year!
 
Sat Aug 31st - Sun Sept 1st
 
   Doug Bradley
Hell Rasier
 
 
     Robert Englund
Nightmare On Elm Street
 
---------------------
 
25h of May to 27th Of May
 
 
Gillian Anderson
X-files
 
 
Ken Kirzinger

Freddy VS Jason
 
---------------------
 
5th of July to 7th of July
 
 
Adrienne Barbeau
The Fog, The Thing
 
 
Coutney Gains
Children Of The Corn
 
 
John Franklin
Children Of The Corn
 
 
Sarah Wayne Callies
The Walking Dead
 
 
Dan Yeager
Texas Chainsaw 3D
---------------------------------
 
Aug 24th - Aug 25th
 
 
Doug Bradley
Hell Rasier
Robert Englund
Nightmare On Elm Street
 
 
 
 

Trott The Zombie

Trott the Zombie is an 8 part web story by Danny Albury & David Bispham.
 
'This is an epic 8 part WebSeries that follows the adventures of Trott The Zombie. As the world around him crumbles and burns, Trott struggles to adjust to his new role as a member of the Undead.'
 
As a fellow fan of horror and zombies I'm hoping this gets all the funding it needs not just as a horror fan but it is also amazing to see what a couple of people with a passion for horror can achieve and see their goals.
 
So visit their site and also give them a hand even if it's a quid or two!
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Antivrial

(2012)

Ugh.. watching Antiviral is like having sex with that one girl you have lusted after ever since you saw her just to get her home, have sex with her to find out she has a penis. That unhappy filthy and disappointed feeling you have wash over you and you can't even look at her again without cringing... Antiviral is my new 'Funny Games'

So aside from all that sexy mental imagery I just gave you'antivrial' as you can tell was.. poo. Like art student 'WHATS THE HIDDEN MEANING?' poo. Like poo poo.

Now the plot was fantastic and when I read it on the box I needed it in my life it sounded so fresh and new and a little mind fucky which horror has been lacking since like the first SAW so I bought it and settled down to watch what I thought was going to be awesome.

The plot is the world is so over obsessed with the world of the rich and famous that you can even buy the illnesses they have from a lab so you can feel closer to your target celeb. Would be cheaper and far easier if you really loved the slags from TOWIE a kebab and a pint will get you between their legs and infected with god knows what in one night of carelessness.

So people pay so much to get these viruses o feel what their favourite people feel. It's a gripping idea to think of people that obsessed with it that they want to do this to themselves but that's the madness of the media and what not.. again art student THE MEANING OF IT ALL but anyway. So this ugly as ass main guy who mumbles far too much for my liking and wished he came with subs is our main man.

(Funny enough no he doesn't live in his mothers basement)

He smuggles some viruses out in his body and sells them to a rival group. Oh this rival group also grows fake celeb meat that people can buy and eat and it's this horrid grey mush, so we have some cannibalism to be added to the plot.

He then gets sent to get a virus from this very hot very popular girl and he sneakily injects himself with it as it's brand new and no one has it. He then hears in the media that she has died and he is now infected with it and the rival group realises he has the 'Hannah' virus and basically steals his blood.

Alot of needle scenes a hell of allot of needle scenes and I really fucking hate needles so I think I watched about 1/4 of the movie that wasn't hiding behind my arm going 'IS IS OVER YET?!' yeah I am a massive wuss when it comes to needles.. I don't know what I expected to be honest.

(Arty!)

Classed as a horror but a horror it is not. Scenes of medical ickyness and possible cannibal scenes but not a horror. The only thing that was scary was the ginger main guy who looked about 12 and wearing one of his dads suits. I also have never seen someone eat and drink so much of the same sandwich an orange juice.. it was like the movie was sponsored by them or something..

It tried to be arty and gritty but lost any element of horror it ever could have had. Solely relying on it's lighting, closeups, art student faggery and the bases most people will cringe and be scared of needles. Yeah.... no.

That didn't sit in my horror collection  for more then a day let me assure you. Now it haunts the shelves of CEX.

Plot: 5/5
Scares: 0/5
Gore: 1.5/5
Acting: 1/5
Overall enjoyment: 0.5/5

Boring as hell.



XJigsawX

Sunday, 17 March 2013

Goosebumps!



Holy crap a blast from the past and a big look into what my childhood was like. I think it was both Goosebumps and 'Are you afraid of the dark?' that helped me into the world of the super natural and a passion for horror. 

It's odd as a few days ago I was thinking about the books.. and I went into a charity shop and bam! about ten copies for 29p each so I bought them all and I have decided I just need to collect them all because 1. I love to collect things and 2. I guess I just have too much space.. [yeah right, I'm a hoarder]

I really am bad when it comes to my love of collecting.. 

Anyway I remember having a few of these back when I was younger and really loving the show. I always remember the one with the gross evil sponge under the sink... kids being turned into dogs, the kid who bought a Halloween mask that glued itself to their face.. a camera that showed the future.. and of course.. Horrorland!

[Sadly thanks to the charity shop they had stickers all over them and thus some damage..]

For those of you who totally missed out on the awesome childhood/teen years of sitting in your garden reading one of these bad boys.. It's loads of small horror stories written by R.L Stine and spanned from 1992 to 1997 and not sure about the show but that was the books. There was 61 in total I believe with some spin off and collections.

I remember them being a little dark and sometimes as a kid genuinely scary. The series both TV and book did very well and was very popular.

I have no idea if I will enjoy them as an adult but I feel they will be great to read on bus journeys.

XJigsawX