So like a fly to shit a new horror movie came out and I decided I had to go and see it but hey I've seen DEVIL INSIDE so nothing can be so bad I loose faith in the genre.
I really wanted to see this as to me it felt very much like a 'Pandora's Box' style plot. An evil box that you open and nothing but unhappiness comes out? yeah sounds like Pandora's box to me. I don't know if this was the vibe the movie was going for or ir anyone else other then me felt that way but hey, maybe that's why I enjoyed it.
Oh and an evil singing box? alot like Jumanji also! This movie could have done with some Robbin Williams but everything is made better with the added comedy of that man and his gorilla chest. Anyway..
The review of the magical evil singing Jew box starts.
So there is this old lady who lives in something from a hoarders dream as there is crap everywhere, on her fireplace is a large wooden box which she seems to not like very much and to be honest the singing in an off tone would piss me off too.
It pisses her off so much that she grabs a hammer and is about to fuck it up when the evil box decides to pull some sweet invisible wrestling movies and power drives the old cow through a class table. Bitch don't go messing with no box's singing, mmkay?
We see our main family next a mother who looks like Julia Roberts plus 10 years and melting and a father who is super cool hip dad with his thick rimmed glasses who are dealing with a break up and a divorce which is outting stress on their youngest Emily and then their oldest who is just typical angsty I HATE YOU MOM pre teen. Yeah I remember no one elses names as no one else matters other then Emily.
So awesome dad has bought a new house and his two kids come to stay with him, they have a road trip and come across a yard sale of the son of the old woman who got the shit kicked out of her by a limbless box. The oldest reminds her father he needs plates and they stop.
Evil singing box decides to catch Emily's eye and she asks her dad for it. Now this is the most annoying and unrealistic thing about the whole movie.. $55 for some second hand plates, a giant old ugly box and a hat? the fuck is he smoking paying that for some shit? I'd get some new plates for way less and save my kids soul from this shitty looking box.
Box means business
So now the girl has the box in her possesion she tries to open it but there is no way for the thing to be opened. $55 for a box that doesn't even fucking open? I'd go back to the guy who sold it to me and chuck it through his window.
Some how the girl is able to open it and inside is a small mirror on the lid and some cool little pots with bits and pieces inside which range from the most ghetto fab ring, a tooth and a toy or some sort and hey being an 8 year old or something a lost tooth and a blinging ring are just want you wanted!
She starts to complain that she doesn't feel very well, when her sister asks she simply replies 'I don't feel like myself..'
The movie goes from life with dad and his girls to his girls with the mother and their new douche bag dentist step father type person and how everyone is under the stress of this divorce and how it's messing up their kids lives, all that fun domestic shite.
Whenever with the box Emily starts to act odd, getting really over protective of the box, asking her dad on the phone how her box is doing, she doesn't want anyone to touch it..
Her dad ignores this until she starts acting really odd, eating really fast and stabbing him when he tries to take food off of her... man you do not get between a kid and her pancakes, your just asking for it really, if he'd lost his hand it would be his own fault.
One of the other odd things that happens is her reflection in the small box mirror which also gets the Dad worried about the box but nothing worries him more then when the house gets infected with loads of locus and Emily is just chilling in her room covered in them.
Emily starts to become withdrawn and abit of an asshole at school and when a boy takes her box she flips her shit, screams down the place and attacks the boy who took her box. Anyone who comes between Emily and her shiny new wooden best friend suffers a comical fate of being killed in a stupid way.
Dat hangover..
So dad takes the box off of her and chucks it away but by now there have been hints such as over eating, voice changing and general seeing fingers trying to come out her mouth that make you realise.. she's not the only one in her body and that spirt does not take kindly to take chucking the box away. The girl goes mental and powered by a super cranky old woman goes and finds her box.
So the dad realises this is wrong there is something messing with his child and he seeks help at the school he works at's history dept, finds out the box is evil anew Jewish and goes to some awesome Jew guy for help, the box is explained to be a holder for an evil spirit which is locked inside, he's given a book to help and get rid of the spirt.
So mother still thinks dad is crazy and takes her kid to the hospital and suddenly they notice something really...really creepy.. But don't worry now they believe the dad and Jew guy comes to save the day!
So replace Christian exorcism for Jewish one instead... and to me it just looks like the Jewish fella is humping the girl.. over and over.. very awkward..
And with some creepy and typical exorcism stuff the nasty evil Jewish lady is expelled from the little girl and hey the mother and father get back together and everything is happy! Yay!
Till the Jewish guy taking the evil box away is in a crash and the box is some how thrown so far from the car where anyone could pic it up..
Screaming squeal here.
So I liked it, best horror in the movies for awhile but still same old same old in the world of being possessed.
Acting: 2/5
Plot: 3/5
Gore: 2/5
Scares: 3/5
Overall enjoyment: 3.5/5
XJigsawX
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