Tuesday 23 October 2012

The Messengers 2: The Scarecrow

(2009)
(PS: I decided to try a new method of reviews, type while I watch)
 
I remember I really liked 'The Messengers' untill I watched it after years of seeing it and rememberd how average it really was.. But then again some movies loose their enjoyment if you over do it and I guess a third time was too much for that movie.
 
Anyway, while looking at things to do with the first movie I noticed I had missed/not cared that there was a second one that came out straight to DVD without so much as a trailer in anything I had seen on DVD since, so this movie already has great promise.
 
Also now I'm a fan of Walking Dead the mer fact that Mr Norman Reedus was in it made me grab it and want it in my life. And at £2.50? how could I say no to that face?
 
Anyway the story starts with cliche hot blond girl running for her life in a corn field from something we don't see.. but seeing as the movie is called THE SCARECROW and she's in a corn field we can all safely assume that she's being chased by the scarecrow... anyway we see her meet her end but it cuts away before we see more then a drop of blood trickle from her mouth.
 
Next scene is we see our hero Norman Reedus in a dapper suit and a holy bible. His family come back as he is working on something, his son, blond teenage daughter and wife come back from church where Norman had stomped out of.
 
We then discover his family is having a money crises and the crops are starting to suffer badly.
 
He goes into town with his teen girl and goes to buy more seeds but his debt is catching up with him and the store clerk has words with him. Norman leaves in a huff being denied any more 'put it on my tab' and he returns to his dying corn fields.
 
To make matters worse the field is infested with crows [Oh so much like the first movie then?] but if his crops are dying and dead anyway surely a few crows is no big issue, you've fucked up already son. Having a temper tantrum in his barn he finds a hidden part he didn't know about which contains a mysterious bagged object.. oooh.
 
 
 
And it is the most ugly fucking scarecrow I've ever seen but hey Norman decided it might be of some use.
 
His son decides there is something wrong with the scarecrow, it's not good, gives him the creeps and wants his dad to get rid of it. The boy seems to have 'powers' like the little boy int he first one who could see things. In horror movies always , always trust small kids feelings and animals reactions..
 
Norman's character seems like a tireless husband, father and worker but nothing seems to be going right for him.. makes us feel bad for his struggles but also now he's found the scarecrow we know shits going down such as a barn door opening on it's own in the middle of the night.. spooky!
Next morning those damn crows were in his barn eating his hidden crops! bastards! but it's ok because he starts to prey and that solves everything.
Right?
Some fat guy appears with beer! and they become best friends : D and moan about crows. Manly bonding.
Norman decides despite his sons wishes and his promise to his son he puts the ugly mother fucker of a scarecrow up in the field. And he looks like a burnt dead body with an added hat stolen from Freddy Kruger..
 
Soon after giggling is heard in the crops all around Norman and he stalks around confused and seems to think this obviously little girl voice singing about how Jesus loves him is his son.. not with that high of a voice surely, how do you forget your own kids voice?
 
The family scenes and exchanges are soft and touching but also very boring and dominating the movie thus far and the pacing seems slow, we know that ugly thing in in the field now we want to see shit happen and I mean more then a fucking barn door open.
Also I don't know if I am the only one but I hate sex scenes in horror movies, they seem ill places, slow, boring and for the most part really not needed. It wouldn't be so bad if you actually saw some boob or ass or something.. ugh.
 
Soon he starts finding dead crows on his porch and all over the place, just dead birds all over his lawn. Well if his family need to eat.. there is always a lawn and crop field full of dead crows to be going on with, Might last a week or so.
 
Norman follows the trail of dead crows to the scarecrow but things nothing of it.
 
 
Some asshole in a big shiny car shows up and has some attitude. More of the character being in debt and having issues, gets an offer to become debt free and Norman isn't sure, just being a stubborn butthole wanting to stay thinking all the dead crows are a sign of good luck.
 
When has a field full of suddenly dead animals ever been seen as lucky? and not odd in the slightest?
 
Some woman is walking by the field and a sprinkler turns on for some reason.. wasn't his water broke? and that's why his crops are dying? Some hot blond woman decides to just stripe naked and run herself down like a hooker in a porn movie set up just right there and then.
 
Asa you do, walk past corn, decide to remove your clothes and make 'Mmmmnhh!' noises while basking in grubby water...
 
Norman decides to hide int he corn and watch but soon gets spotted and scampers away to average wife and sees his pump is suddenly working. Wow everything is suddenly going right, and after seeing the tart in the corn field he decides to rape his wife!
 
But that's ok as it only lasts seconds...
 
Once again it's night time and rich asshole shows up at the corn field again and then puts up 'FORCLOSED' signs everywhere to get Norman leave so he can sell the land to some even richer douchebag.
 
In a dark corn field with something sneaking around and trying to kill him. All the rushing through the corn! He runs, he trips and barrel roles right into a huge fucking truck and becomes a bloody smear on the road. Well that problems over and done with.. until the cops show up the next day at Norman's house about missing blood splatter on the road.
 
The cop even tells our couple that they found the guy under an 18 wheeler three hours later dead so how could he think that it was Norman? Also what kind of a name is Milton?
 
So Norman is back checking on his beloved crops and finds a trail of money.. follows it to the scarecrow and finds the dead guys watch and also the singing little girl who claims Jesus loves him..  Some trippy camera angles to remind us 'PST this bit is scary!!' as he rummages around the corn field. Hearing a scream he scrambles out the field like a madman.
 
Norman decides that is corn field is haunted..  haunted corn field oooooh! and decides to gush at his new best friend about what happened and the man just shrugs him off.
 
As his luck gets better and better his attitude towards his wife gets worse. But he tries to focus on how great his luck is and how things are getting so much better around the farm. He See's his wife talking to one of her male friends and he becomes paranoid and jealous. Granted the guy is a fucking creeper and abit forward wit her..
 
Norman announces him and his wife need couples councling, cus that's always fun isn't it?
 
Later that night he decides to tuck into some of his corn but ew he finds a tooth! now I hate eye things and tooth things so this was pretty gross..
 
His son runs off into the corn field sobbing and crying and Norman catches up with him and they have a cuddle but he soon has one hell of a trip! flashing images and screaming. But it was allll a dreaaaam from apparently drinking 6 cans of beer to himself.
 
The crops are growing amazing and he just can't believe his good luck that he forgets the horrible nightmares he'd woken up from. Oh and he keeps finding expensive shit hidden in his corn. More good luck for Norman is that the guy after his wife decided to hang himself ..
 
After that his wife starts to think that maybe her husband is dangerous and the one that was responsible for Tommy's vanishing. Now Norman clicks that maybe the scarecrow has something to do with it and tries to remove it but fails and badly hurts himself.
 
Meanwhile MILTON the cop is back! and offers to take him to the hospital but he's too manly to get help!
 
He goes back out with a mission to fuck the scarecrow up but can't seem to find his own way back out the field. Instead he starts to trip balls out in the middle of the field. The crops start leaking blood and he sees a little girl, she tries to warn him but soon gets sickle right int he back! The first real kill we see! And a kid at that!
 
I spose it needed SOMETHING shock value as the movie has been dull as shit till now.
 
With his family missing from the house he decides to grab and axe and a beer before going to finish what eh started with scarecrow and sets the thing on fire as his family pulls up.
 
His wife comes back and has a go at him, everything is his fault ever but it's ok cus he's set the scarecrow on fire.
 
Not knowing what else to do he goes to his friend Jude's house.. er trailer.. and the hot woman from the corn field is there and shows off more leg to a stranger then a married woman should.. Blond woman saduces Mr Reedus and offers to clean his hand up real good while he talks about his wife.
 
Also the hussy pulls the 'your wife just doesn't understand you....' This is not a goddamn porn. So Norman tries to run away but hits his head, falls back and suddenly the hussy is just having sex with him! 'I can't do this!' 'You already are!' and sex happens..
(Massive slaaaag)
 
 
She kicks him out and he runs back home to find the scarecrow back up and fine like nothing had happened.
 
Oh and his best friend decides to help him about his woman problems and takes him back to his trailer, the blond hussy has an evil book stolen from a dead Indian and they reveal they know about the scarecrows powers, how the scarecrow kills but also brings so much good luck..
 
An evil book from a dead Indian. You read right.
 
So once again running around in the corn field like a headless chicken and bumps into MILTON! and they travel to the hidden bit in the barn where he found the scarecrow. He also tries to explain it to the cop.. not sounding like a crazy person or anything...
 
Norman appears to be a crazy mother fucker and seems to have made people and things up in his mind as the cop lays passed out in the back area. He thinks he saw his friend and the whore but his wife caught him talking to himself, the Indian book is a bible..
 
Norman grabs up a weapon and heads into the house crazy but not seeing that he's gone nuts. Like Amityville horror style.... can't see he's nuts.
 
The family bolt and go for a nice midnight run in the corn field! a perfect idea if ever I saw one. They get separated in the dark field. His family is running from him while he's running from the scarecrow..
 
His son runs into the barn and is confortonted by.. the scarecrow with legs... ugh what the fuck is this. The scarecrow is on the move and has legs suddenly. Not just that but the thing has a sytch and is chasing the son around the barn while the two woman do what woman in horror do best run around and scream like tits.
 
The scarecrow gets Milton! NOT MILTON!!!!
 
I loved that guy.
 
Norman confronts his scarecrow and they have an epic duel!! only he gets beat and the scarecrow is left to kill his family. But good job wood is no match for an axe! oh and the son can drive a tractor so that helps.
 
But as a family they defeat the evil scarecrow! YAY! just as the sun comes up and it's a lovely morning! although now they have a dead cop on their hands and two dead people in their corn field.
 
The last thing we see is the small girl from before collect the bits of the scarecrow and vanish into the hidden area of the barn..
 
Other then the location of the movie.. I don't see how this is anyway related to the first movie. It's the same house, the same kid boy, teen girl married couple deal and struggling with their crops until luck happens but nothing else.. I'd never call it a sequel.. was better off just having it's OWN name to be honest..
 
Plot: 2/5
Scares: 1/5
Gore: 1/5
Acting: 4/5
Overall enjoyment: 0.5/5
 
Terrible. I'm sure if it didn't have Norman Reedus in it I'd have given it much less. (Yes I am a big fan of that man can you tell?)
 
Looking over my review.. DAMN dat review is biiiiig.
 
XJigsawX
 

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